I really can't deal with school. I want to drop out, but due to my stupid anxiety i get fired from most jobs i get. I don't want to spend all day sitting in my room either, because i am socially screwed, and can't even walk on the road or go inside a shopping centre.
I'm much to anxious to be around the crowd, i look down, get clammy and have panic attacks. I always get angry at my friends because i am unstable and over-sensitive, plus madly jealous i can't live a normal teenaged life. I get frustrated, and argue with friends all the time, often saying things i regret because i am hurting. I constantly feel emtpy, and don't want to talk to anyone, so i end up alone but also push people away. I can't concentrate on my school work, i can't remember anything, and the most bad thing is all i keep thinking about while i am at school is cutting myself. I visualise the knife, and the blood, and sometimes go in the toilet to cut. And then when i get home it is the first thing i do. It is making me increasingly suicidal, just last week i tried to overdose. I can't keep living like this, i hate school, but i can't see a way out. I am in year eleven, and i know is one more year, but a year is actually a very long time.
Not to go on and on, but do you have any ideas? I have thought about dropping out alot, but if i can't get a job what good am i? Medication and therapy continue to fail in helping me. I always have time off, and teachers often get angry i miss out on work. The only thing i like doing is film making, i am very talented at that, and i would love to begin a career in it. But i fear i can't finish school. Can i drop out and prepare for that?
Thankyou so much for taking the time to read, it means alot.
x September.
Nov 28, 2010, 06:33 AM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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