[idgaf]

i somehow always manage to do this. btw i am in college. im on summer break trying to get my portfolio together

there are days when i don't do hardly anything and i always convince myself in the moment ah its fine, its okay ill just play a game for a while

how do i scare myself straight? im really sick of this; even when i do have good days i feel out of control of the bad. they just keep hitting me like bombs or something. i DONT have time.

i keep reading on procrastination, keep trying to stay optimistic (though im afraid thats actually hurting me!) (though at the same time being optimistic is really helpful because i used to be a depressive it obviously worked go figure. how do you stay just pragmatic?)

giving myself a schedule doesn't work because i can never stick to it. i always start way later. like i'll start at 4 pm and work until 2 in the morning.
**** i just want to have a normal work schedule and be in control.

my goal btw i to be an animation rigger (person that puts animation controls on a game or animated character)

[objtrbit]

Hey there;

procrastination is a lot like depression...anger turned inward. I think the reason you are avoiding one form of work is because you are using all your enegy (unconsciously) trying to supress something that causes/ed you so much more dread. So I'm gonna be thinking it goes back to your parents...lol, the crap gets crazy...like unconsciously avoiding lets say a paper, because the paper is something you dealt with as a kid and you might not even remember...all kinds of recreations like that. If you're gonna take a break anyway, while your playin games, I donno, sit back and think about everything that's going on in your life....you may not even feel angry, maybe you would rationalize that others are going through worse? Well, to that I would venture to say yeah other people may have it much worse blah blah blah, but pain is pain, and if your angry, then you've been hurt...you have a right to vent that. I think until you get what REALLY on your mind out (does not have to be recent, for sure!) then you may struggle with motivation to jump through expectation hoops. You rationalize that you deserve a videogame break because somewhere in your past your parents did not give you that break (from fighting, from schoolwork, from whatever happen in your situation) and so it makes sense that you would still want/deserve that for yourself in current life. Unforchantly, just like your parents screwed you in that scenerio-so will life....if you hold it in it means past due stuff and consequesnces.

That's my theory lol, you need to go on quite a few healthy rants my friend! (Sometimes not fun at all, but it does help in the long run).

Take care,
-obj

[Perna]

I had trouble with myself (graduated 2007, had straight A's in my major) until I realized that I do always get the work done? If you get the work done, let yourself play; you'll get uncomfortable enough later that you will buckle down?

I also make sure whatever I am doing is being done or is about a subject/perspective that I choose and really enjoy and want to learn about? Everything is connected to everything else so it can be easy and quite fun/challenging to pick something you'd like. I wrote a term paper on how the French were not inferior to the English during the Industrial Revolution :-) My professor's specialty was the French so I set about to "prove" the opposite of what one is generally taught in history. It was a lot of fun and I impressed him (though he didn't agree with all I had to say :-) I generally find my professors' thesis papers, one can find them for sale online inexpensively easily, and then I quote from them in my papers and dispute whatever I quote as if it's wrong Bratty but they get a good chuckle and I get an A for effort/imagination.