[greensky602]

I am 25 years old. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 21. I have a hard time disciplining myself to do the things I want to do. I compulsively take long walks, listen to music, and stare. I can't focus. I would like to read, learn, and gain some skills, but my mind does not want to exert itself, and wants to be comfortable and at ease. I am weak-minded, however, I have dreams of being productive and efficient. I would like to love myself healthily again, but I constantly engage in self-destructive behavior that I don't want to do in the first place. I would like to wake up early, enjoy a short walk, and read more to obtain information for knowledge. I would like to be independent, but I can't do so because I am compulsive. I am also neurotic. I tend to daydream about myself. I waste a lot of valuable time and creative energy doing destruction to myself. How do I change to be more mature, realistic, self-controlled, and ultimately more satisfied with myself and life?

[Perna]

Take some of the things you "enjoy" (the long walks, music, staring/day dreaming) and slowly direct them down other paths? I'm sure, like me, you notice "interesting" things on your walks? Take a little notebook with you and note them and then look things up on the internet when you get home? Start to look for patterns in your interests; are you noticing squirrels, wondering about plants/trees, birds?

What music do you listen to? Have you ever thought about music therapy and how you would conduct it? http://www.musictherapy.org/ Do you have certain songs that mean something to you; make you feel better/happier or more energized? What could you do with that?

What do you daydream about? I love to read (replaced a lot of my daydreaming with it but it was fantasy fiction so not a whole lot better than my daydreams :-) and noticed that I hate when a good book ends and I'm dumped back into my "real" world so I wrote a novel about that! Take an interest and try to expand it like that in directions you would rather be going.

Change does not happen "suddenly". I am 60 years old and started writing when I was in my 20's and only wrote a novel when I was nearly 60. Go volunteer somewhere or take a single class at a community college. Start things you don't finish; keep throwing mud at the wall and eventually some will stick