[Pandoren]

I'm curious about this so I've been asking this to members of the older generation:

When a lot of people think about their "life goals", common goals are a good job, marriage and kids... but I was wondering earlier... what do you aspire to after you've achieved those? Sometimes that can be fulfilled early on in life... so what then?

[Rose3]

Depends on what the person's interests are.

[roads]

When I turned 30, I remember thinking about this. I decided there would be places I would not have gotten to go to that I would want to, more than ever--& I wanted to be able to. I knew there would be new fields of interest, & I wanted to be able to take classes in those. Finally, I knew there would be a few causes I would care about above all others, & I wanted to be able to support those, financially & thru volunteering.

I'm 65 now, & with the financial reverses everywhere & health problems I didn't foresee, it's all on a lesser scale ... but I'm doing okay.

Thank you for asking!

[Perna]

I'm 61 and am dealing with this question on a daily basis as my children are grown, I'm retired from my job, have two college degrees, have written a book, etc.

Everyone works on their life/age-appropriate goals like going to school, getting a job/occupation, getting married, raising kids, becoming an expert in one's field, retiring. You kind of have to do those things? They aren't really goals of an individual but of the species

You have to figure out who you as an individual are and become the best individual you can and that takes an entire life. I changed majors in college, back in 1971, and graduated the next year with a different degree than I started with. When I turned 50 I started thinking about what I would "regret" when I got to be "old" (85 :-) and realized that I still loved the major I had changed from, back when I was 20, because of my anxiety issues. Now, at 50 I wasn't the same person anxiety-wise so I was able to explore going back to that field; I took a course and loved it and got another degree over 5-6 years and then went on to graduate school. I'm still using that degree in my life now and enjoying its use.

As we are living, there are lots of choices to be made and lots of reasons for making the choices we make. However, as we go along, things shift and we decide we might have made different choices or the reasons we went left instead of right no longer apply and now we'd like to explore right? Interests and opportunities change throughout life and it's not all about the "obvious" choices about whether to have children or not or become a doctor or astrophysicist that set you on a path that can't be altered later; nothing is that set in stone.

I was talking in another post about not having paid attention in math in high school so I could not become a good computer programmer but there are many many other aspects of me and computers beside just my affinity/interest in programming! I am not "less" because I cannot become a good programmer; I own three sites and do my own Web design, which I love too. I've been working on writing for nearly 20 years now and have written novels and academic papers and appeared on professional panels, etc.

It's all just living life! It is kind of natural, you just have to pay attention to yourself.

[Pandoren]

Thanks

I just wanted to find out what other people were aspiring to so I could get an idea in my head of the kinds of options that one might want to do. I wanted to map out what I might like to achieve in my head and then later tailor it depending on how my life goes (indeed, the end result may be absolutely nothing like I'd imagined) but with my current situation of not knowing what I want and not being able to visualise a future, I hoped the question would help

[Light123]

Much later in life...40+....I decided that even though my life took crazy turns, I would fulfill my dream of going to graduate school and I enrolled, went and finished about a year ago. It was hard, but very fulfilling/rewarding.

Surely, having goals is very motivational.

Today, I'm trying to set some new goals and actually right this second am a little confused as to what they might be.

Very generally, I know that I would like to be a helpful (but not intrusive) wife, mother, friend and eventually grandmother.

But, I certainly feel like I need more goals and I'm workig on them.

I do agree with the other poster about the importance of paying attention to oneself....I'm working on that as well!!!

[splitimage]

I think our goals evolve as our life evolves. In my 20's my goal was to get a senior high paying corporate job that would allow lots of travel and give me an expense account. I acheived that by the time I was 30.

In the process I also developed a severe drinking problem and mental health issues. Those eventually caused me to loose the senior high paying job. I eventually had to take a more junior position in a completely area of accounting & much to my surprise I loved it. I unfortunately lost that job in a restructuring over a year ago, and am now just looking for a job. My main criteria are that it has health benefits and offers flex time so I can continue treatment for my addiction.

My life has evolved into different areas of interest. I'm now volunteering in a number of MH related areas. I'm blogging. I think I'd like to write a book some day. I want to get my ARC in harp performance by the time I'm 50. (I'm 42 now) which is something I never dreamed of in my 20's.

I'd still like to own my own place, but have kind of given up on that as unrealistic given where I live, and the state of my finances, since I've had to use most of my savings to support myself while I've been unemployed. But I still think I can get my career back on track and obtain a senior high paying position again. So home ownership isn't completely off the table.

But right now, I'm mostly focussed on staying sober, staying depression free and finding a job. It's definitely not where I thought I'd be in my 40's when I was 20, but that's ok.

splitimage

[Ygrec23]

I rather envy all the people who've responded on this thread. They all seem to have thought about and evolved goals in their lives according to which they've lived, more or less. The particular mental problem from which I've suffered has always prevented me from having such goals and living a reasonably planned life. I couldn't ever even conceive of such. I spent decades staring at people making their way through life entirely puzzled by what they were doing and why.

I don't even know whether people who can do that can even be called to any extent mentally ill. To me, being nuts has always meant being in outer space, just floating there and wondering. All my T's have appeared, sincerely or not, to be impressed by my having been able to earn a living (however meager), get married and stay married. So for me it's all very strange, very strange.

[Travelinglady]

Now have empty nest.......health problems, both physical and mental

Goals:

1) Still find ways to help other people

2) Try to always have some hobby I can do

3) Make adjustments as needed, as I have to give up things

4) Keep trying to always improve and learn

5) Maintain my sense of humor and seek out funny stuff

[gashly]

I have absolutely no idea. I never had any goals when I was younger and I don't know what I want to do now. Almost 40. It is good to hear that people have made it through grad school later in life and started second careers though. If I ever figure out what the hell I want to do!

[HalfSwede]

I think this is the right place for this. I am working on treating people with decency even when I feel I haven't been treated with decency myself. I think this is simply the Golden Rule in my own words. At age 47, that really is my goal for the rest of my life.

[Adelissa]

I thought this was a very interesting thread. I am only 31 but I would say for example if I had to give my younger self advice, well it would probably be a 300 page book because I have tons of regrets already but my number one thing would be don't put yourself in a box. What do I mean by this? I live my life very much "outside the box" right now because a lot of life goals didn't work. I never could find a fulfilling career, and I really tried, but somehow once I got to the point where I had to do it for a living, I didn't like it, but I have tons of hobbies Then I got to right now where I couldn't possibly work for many reasons. I don't regret trying hard in school, actually I should have worked harder and taken it even more seriously, but I wish I hadn't had such a 2 dimensional goal of become a this or that. Your job is not who YOU are. I think we should spend just as much time if not more understanding ourselves because once you know yourself you will be better equipped possibly to figure out what you would like to do (still working on that)
Also, one reason the above failed is my main goal in life was to be a wife and mother. I saw myself as the crazy Christian lady who homeschools her 3 kids and is like Martha Stewart and Bree from desperate housewives,etc. Problem is I have always been overweight and never got out there and dated. Then I got cancer and biological children were no longer an option. Yeah I cried for a week or so then I realized, I had locked myself into goals that weren't really GOALS. They were like little checkmarks on a list. The real goals I think I would advise people is to take each day and treat it like a goal. It takes 365 days of good eating and exercising to lose weight. I was always looking into the future for that some day goal and missing what I had right in front of me. I regret not spending more time with my mom who was my best friend who passed away last year. I regret not investing more in friendships because my mind was always somewhere else, or depressed about what I didn't have yet, etc. I regret not being the best person I could be on a daily basis. I do kinda wish I was married sometimes but as long as it does happen some day, I am pretty content in that department, accepting that I want to do a lot more before then. I am happy that I am raising my beautiful 8 year old niece who has autism. I probably wouldn't have stepped up if I had a family early on. I think some things do happen for a reason, but I don't want to get too spiritual for those who don't believe in those things, but sorry for writing a book but I would say 1) you are more than your goals. Make a goal of being YOU and knowing YOU and loving YOU. 2) be flexible because most people don't end up exactly where they thought they would be at say 30-40 when they were younger. 3) No matter what happens in life, take each day as a gift and goal. Whatever failures happen that day try your best to think of it like a chalkboard, erase and start a new day. Those are my goals now. When I am 60 I will probably be a mass of wrinkles and be fat or bony, and maybe even totally gray. It will pay to be happy and have grown to accept the me inside and not just assume no one loves me because of the way I look. I might have challenges physically or mentally and have to live my best day with those challenges. But what I have given myself and others will always last.
Ok now to put all that and really apply it to myself lol (easier to give advice than to take it.)

[ECHOES]

And what if you never achieved those "age-appropriate" goals.
I raised a son, but no marriage, no college degree. Now it is too late.

[darkmood]

It is never too late to go after your goals what does age approprite goals mean you have people in there 20 who have goals for there life but have no clue what they are doing and I feel living life and then going for your goals is better because you have an idea how life works and you know what it takes to reach them and it can be more rewarding

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Pandoren

Thanks

I just wanted to find out what other people were aspiring to so I could get an idea in my head of the kinds of options that one might want to do. I wanted to map out what I might like to achieve in my head and then later tailor it depending on how my life goes (indeed, the end result may be absolutely nothing like I'd imagined) but with my current situation of not knowing what I want and not being able to visualise a future, I hoped the question would help

When I was about your age I'd play a game of getting a genuine, paper Yellow Pages and leafing through it? I'd imagine various jobs; owning them, working at them, what other side jobs there would be for a category, etc.

For me, thinking broadly what I like to do (read, write, work on the computer) and my skills (type 80 wpm, think/organize/plan well, good with word problems of all sorts), lots of things come up; way back when, "librarian" and "accountant" and "writer" and "teacher" appealed to me? Then looking into those broad categories and learning about them and thinking about further narrow categories within them, I came up with a few things to go toward.

When I was a junior in high school, my subjects I liked and were good at were History and English. My history teacher recommended a couple authors and I read them and fell in love, decided to become a "research historian". I had no idea what that was (this is back in 1967, w-a-a-a-y before computers or easy look up of stuff).

I went off to college in September 1968 and was a history major. Studying and me did not meld like one expected or hoped they would? My junior year in college I was on academic probation and nearly had a mental breakdown. I changed my major to Sociology, vaguely thinking to become a social worker, they didn't have social work majors, or departments or specialties back then for undergrads.

Anyway, I graduated college, barely, literally with something like a 2.00056 GPA? And, it was in the middle of the 1972/73 recession, Vietnam War, women-still-treated-like-teachersornurses only; I still remember reading the want ads in college where there were "Men Wanted" and "Women Wanted" columns, women could not apply for "men's" jobs. I took the exam to get in the Federal Goverment but Vietnam Vets got an automatic extra 5 points and everyone and their mother was trying to get a Federal job, it was like now, not enough jobs. I ended up a clerk at Sears Roebuck, got $5 extra a week in salary, $95/week instead of $90 because I was a college grad.

It is truly an adventure and no way you can "prepare" or really know what you will be doing, you have to try to follow your own heart and what you want to do because that will end up being the path you take through the rubble and circumstances around you. I would not worry so much about what job as what interests are yours and following them, rather than something that someone else is doing that is making that person money or giving them a life like you are hoping for? Take a wide variety of subjects while you can, so you can see if something surprises you; I didn't discover Accounting and I had an affinity until I was 40.

Now that I am retired, I am a genealogist, using that history and sociology, and am an excellent researcher :-) It all sprials around, over and over, like other aspects of life.