[Serotonin]

Some of my past daily positive affirmations:

• I am a valuable and worthwhile human being, and I like and respect myself.
• I am a strong and independent person, and I am capable of achieving anything that I put my mind to.
• Today I am not going to kick the cat.
• If that cat meows one more time, I am going to kick it.
• I really wish I could stop kicking the cat.
• Ah **** this, man, I just kicked the cat again.
• I'd better stop kicking the cat or the animal welfare people shall be at the door.
• Now that I have stopped kicking the cat I shall now have to find something else to act as a target for all of my irritability, anger, and aggression.
• I hate to say this, but I used to enjoy kicking that cat.
• Today I am going to get out of bed.
• Today I am going to brush my teeth.
• Today I am going to wash, then eat a proper and healthy breakfast.
• Today is first day of the rest of my life, and I could easily go outside and get killed by a speeding motor vehicle. Better to stay in bed where it's nice and safe and warm.
• I have the ability to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia, and I am going to do it.
• Today I shall assume full responsibility for all of my actions, except those that can be blamed on someone else.
• I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself, unless of course I want to keep my job.
• In some cultures what I do would be considered not depraved but normal.
• I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more at any moment.
• I honour my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
• I am grateful that I am not as judgemental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
• All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
• Only a lack of imagination can prevent me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
• Today I shall gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
• A convenient scapegoat is just as useful as any practical solution to the problem.
• Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step — blaming my parents.
• I must get serious about my illness, as it seems to be serious about me.

[unaluna]

BEST AFFIRMATIONS EVER!!!

[granite1]

so so funny and so true

[Serotonin]

• I will find humour in my everyday life, not by laughing at myself, but by finding other people less fortunate than myself to laugh at.
• When I get fat I shall hang around with morbidly obese people, to make myself look and feel thinner.

[Serotonin]

Oh I lol'ed ...

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_03ZhrzJcde...0/****itol.jpg

[unaluna]

available as generic dammitol.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Serotonin

[*]Today is first day of the rest of my life, and I could easily go outside and get killed by a speeding motor vehicle. Better to stay in bed where it's nice and safe and warm.

That's an affirmation?!
I think you might be better off without this one.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Perhaps I belong among the humorless, but I don't see why kicking a cat, a violent and abusive act, is supposed to be funny. It's just not.

[Perna]

[Serotonin]

Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess

Perhaps I belong among the humorless, but I don't see why kicking a cat, a violent and abusive act, is supposed to be funny. It's just not.

And of course believing everything you read on the internet is a great way of manifesting a sense of humour.

Bad day at work?

[CantExplain]

We don't know you yet. You could be a cat kicker.

[Serotonin]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

We don't know you yet. You could be a cat kicker.

*kicks cat*

What makes you think that?

[Nicks_Nose]

I acknowledge that mistakes are made by everyone and it does not mean I am a complete failure....it is simply a mistake.

[gma45]

Today I will be as one with the cat!

[willmarcus]

Live a life you love and love the life you live

[DeMing]

I believe in positive affirmations. I use them all the time. But I think we need to be very careful with them. In some research, positive affirmations can actually cause people to feel worse. This is because they don't believe in the statements.

Example: I am loveable and wonderful.

A person who does not believe in this statement might be reminded of how he / she is quite the opposite and repeating this statement will probably make him / her feel worse. So be careful. Say only things you can believe in or you'll feel worse.