[davos]

I've just turned 21 and I'm in school even though I have dropped out for two years and failed some courses. I have depression, anxiety, I am overweight, and I cannot cope with stress.

My friend recently chewed me out about it. She's doing really well for herself. At 21, she is on a path to graduate school, she has several jobs she loves and she will be publishing scientific papers.

I understand that she is trying to help me, and I understand that she is right. I feel hurt and misunderstood in my situation. I am trying to help myself, and sometimes I get close to succeeding, but I fail each and every time. I try not to let it get to me but it is hard not to. I don't understand why I am so broken that I cannot cope with things in life.

When I was younger, I was a better person. Now I'm retracting into a less functional human. Why am I like this? What happened to my ability to function? I cannot answer these questions, but I desperately need to. =S

[kaliope]

perhaps the goals you set are too high for your level of functioning and that is why you fail. it sounds like your friend is very high functioning so comparing yourself to her is naturally going to make you feel like a failure. hell, publishing papers at 21, makes me look like a failure and I consider myself to be fairly successful. but to feel successful you need to set goals you can achieve. how well do you take care of yourself? do you manage to shower, brush your teeth, put on clean clothes? because that can be an accomplishment for some. can you get a hobby, find something you are good at. take a walk each day....little things and pat yourself on the back when you have finished them...you don't have to measure up to your friend. take care.

[davos]

I will try to focus on the little things.

[Margolomania]

The quickest way to feel dissatisfied is through comparison.

I have a friend who seem to get by in life so much easier than I do, and I hated her for years despite the fact that I also care for her. After doing some therapy, I realized how distorted my view on myself was especially while comparing myself to her and other people. Of course I will never amount to them, because I'm NOT them. But the other side of it is that THEY will also never amount to ME. That helped me pin-point what I have working for myself WITHOUT sliding in some comparisons from other people. It has helped, and it's still a work in progress. The one thing I try to do as much as I can is, when I catch myself doing the comparison thing, I stop and turn it around... acknowledge that I like that about the other person AND come up with something positive about myself as well. It's hard, but it's worth it once you see yourself feeling better about who you are

Hope you feel better!

[Margolomania]

P.S.

I hope your friend was just having a bad day and that's why she ended up chewing you out. I get that friends are supposed to care about your well-being, but she should also recognize that you two are different, and offer a helping hand instead of making you feel worse about something you already are not feeling good about. :/

[davos]

No, I don't begrudge my friend at all. I know she has my interests at heart, and I have to admit her cutting honesty is one of the things I most appreciate about her.

You are right about the comparison situation, and I actively try not to do it, but sometimes it is difficult, especially since most of my friends are higher-functioning than me.

In any case: today I took a bunch of steps towards improving my mental state. It had been a while since I had taken care of myself, so I did. I spent time with my family and I did some exercise and I engaged in some of my hobbies. I did not manage to write 1000 words in my writing, but it is definitely a goal of mine and I will be trying harder tomorrow.

Thank you all for your support.

[Margolomania]

That's good, you have a friend whom you trust and that is definitely invaluable Good luck with the coping!