[embracinglife]

I'm really struggling with self-care these days. For some reason, it is much easier for me to get up and do something to help someone else, than it is to identify my needs and take care of myself. I'm in the process of needing to pack up to move soon, and I'm in grad school and the new semester just started so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. It sucks because I know that if I were in a better place mentally and emotionally, I would be able to take care of these things, no problem, and I've done it before. But for some reason, with everything going on, it is so hard to take the time to do the things that I need to do to take care of myself. Any tips for this???

[vans1974]

Sorry to hear...I'd just start working on small things, then slowly the rest will come naturally! Best of luck!!

[SeekerOfLife]

For most of my life I have struggled with self care. I always put everyone elses needs first. When I hit middle age, it suddenly dawned on me, "When does my turn come?" Even then, I did not start to take care of myself. I guess I had to get pretty close to rock bottom before I started to take steps of self care. Even at that point, it did not become a priority. I finally had to hit rock bottom totally before self care became a priority in my life. I needed balance. Balance--a great word. That's all for now. Best wishes.

[Revu2]

Hi Embracinglife,

I can offer lots of ideas. I've had to drag myself through doing things when getting out of bed felt like too much work. No fun.
1. This too shall pass. One thing at a time, one day at a time.
2. Mix in self-care with other things. I sometimes say, "If I get the clothes boxed I'll treat myself to [insert a small treat.]"
3. Make lots of "lists with a twist." The twist is add two columns to the list, one for a generous time estimate for how long it might take you, another for degree of difficulty on a scale of 1 to 10. For example:
[apologies, this forum doesn't do tables well, columns shown with double dashes ——]
Read assignment #1——1.5 hrs ——6° diff.
Assignment #2, notes ——1—— 5
Outline paper ——.5—— 8
Get boxes—— 2—— 2
etc.
Make sure you list everything that comes to mind in any order. I use a spreadsheet program. I then go back and sort the list by what feels convenient, and "play" with it by resorting it often. At times I sort by degree of difficulty, sometimes by amount of time, etc.
Here's how to use the list: lightly gaze over the list and allow your body or feelings to 'invite' you to do something on the list. Been cooped up? Looking at the list you might think, "Oh, I can walk for self-care & exercise (on list) and pick up some boxes from the stores (on list) on the way back."
4. Cash in on your favors you've done for others. Invite friends to come help box, move, etc. for your change of address.
5. Unplug all distractions every few days and focus on something vital.
6. Watch comedy clips on youtube to stay limber and laugh at the absurdities of life.

[live2ski66]

Hi there, I just (last week) went through what you are going through. I've concluded that I hate moving and don't find a sense of accomplishment even if I take baby steps. When the movers arrive I am far from being done and they end up throwing things in boxes with no sense (packing is not their specialty). This last time they missed my entire kitchen because the had no boxes. Who has heard of movers without boxes? And these were professional movers highly recommended.

So I recommend to you from the bottom of my heart to stop playing games you know you won't win and hire packers. Yes it might be more expensive but think of the torture you are putting yourself through. I learned this after two very stressful moves 10mi away. Next time I'll hire a company, take all the things that I can't live without in my car and let them pack and move. When I return from the spa I'll go to my new place and start unpacking. This nightmare is not worth the anxiety.

[Derek Felton]

Having to pack for a move while taking grad level courses can be overwhelming. Can you get anyone to help you for a change? I've found that people who take care of everyone else struggle to ask others for assistance. Call in some of those favors from the credit you've built up from helping others. If they care for you, they'll come through. That will take a huge load off of your hands.

[attitudeadjustment]

Self Care is exactly why I am here.

[987catjump]

I can really relate to your difficulties with self-care. Even though it sounds like a simple thing, lists can really help. Often it is easier to help others than focus on ourselves and the things we would rather not do. Try to get more sleep and eat well this will also help with your mindset.