[kaylaurynn]

This is my first time posting on here..
I've realized that I do need help. I've been dealing with depression for years now and I've notice it gets worse each year. I try my hardest not to hurt myself, but it's getting harder each night for me to stay in control. I don't hang out with anyone really, because I never truly feel good enough to. I can't sleep at night because of insomnia, so my depression really hits then. I feel like anyone I talk to does not or won't truly understand how I feel. I don't just have depression, I have schitz, anxiety, and other issues I deal with from day to day. It's making me feel hopeless.
I don't intend on ever committing suicide, but I'm tired of feeling the way I do. I feel like there's a black blanket of bad thoughts over my head all the time. Other people make being positive and happy look and seem so easy. I just don't understand or feel like I could ever be truly happy. So I know I need help, but I don't know how or where to go. I'm 18 years old and I don't want to get my parents involved. They already have a lot of issues going on in their life and I don't want them to worry about me. This is something I want to do on my own. I was hoping someone could help me out on here and point me in the right direction.

[Raghib Ahmed]

It's great that you've taken the initiative and found the strength to seek help and find the right direction. That's a big step so well done.

Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I also STRONGLY recommend you tell your parents. No matter what, parents will always be worrying about their kids anyway, even if you tell them or not, so there will be no harm in you telling them. In fact, you telling them will help you out a lot since they will be able to support you. Even if your parents don't end up understanding, at least you won't feel alone.

What you're going through is similar to what I went through so I'll try to give you some actions to take to point you in the right direction. I had insomnia for many years which messed up my health and led to anxiety and depression. I wasn't sure what came first, the anxiety, or the insomnia, but I know that they both fed off each other and made things worse. So I wanted to reduce my anxiety, which would reduce my insomnia, which would then reduce my anxiety even more and help quell depression. After taking incremental steps and patience I was able to get better! I'm not depressed anymore. My anxiety and sleep aren't perfect, but they are MUCH better than they used to be.

What I did to reduce anxiety was:

MEDITATE. Deep-breathing has helped me a lot. It's hard to say, how, and when, because the effects of deep-breathing can be so subtle. But over time, I was able to control my mind a bit better, calm it down, and get to sleep. I've still got a lot of work to do in regards to this, but just doing a few minutes of meditation for a couple of weeks everyday, will all accumulate into a calmer mind. Lots of scientific studies also back this up. Meditation/Deep-breathing are legit in reducing anxiety.

Exercise. Same as above. Meditation and Exercise both alleviate stress and anxiety. Do a few minutes of each a day, and build up that consistency. Don't try and do intense exercise or meditation one day, then go a couple of days without doing any. Long-term consistency trumps short-term intensity. Do a few minutes each day, eventually it'll all build up to more calmer and stabler mind.

Positivity: Along with a few minutes of an exercise or meditation habit, you could add a positivity habit. Studies show that forcing yourself to smile for a minute can induce positive affects and make you less stressed. And for an even stronger boost on your mood and to alleviate anxiety, studies show that if you force yourself to laugh for a minute, that can help a lot. Just a chuckle, or normal laugh work.

Other reasons you have difficulty in sleeping:

Distorted Body Clock/Sleep Cycle: This is where your mind doesn't produce the right hormones at night to let it know its time for bed. Reasons for this might be because you have had a habit of staying up late in front of screens like a computer, phone or TV. To sort this out, get yourself out in the sun for 30-60 minutes. This could also be where you exercise and meditate for a few minutes. The rest of the time in the sun, you can just walk around, listen to music/audiobooks, or take a book outside and read. Get your mind to associate the light with day, and the night with sleep.

Too much light at night. Dim your light intake when it is dark outside. So cut down on phones and computers etc. when it's night. Associate the night with sleep. A few hours before bed, turn your screens off, and read a book or anything that doesn't strain your eyes.

Disassociation with bed. Associate your bed, and if you can, your whole bedroom with mainly sleep. Don't eat, browse the internet, or read on your bed. Get your mind to associate the night, and your bed with mainly sleep.

I tried most of these things, and they really did help me. The only thing I didn't try when my sleep was bad was the forced smiling and laughter, because I didn't know about it. But I started with a bit of Meditation, then over time, my sleep got better, and my energy increased, then I started to exercise as well. Then I sorted out my body clock and now I can sleep much better than I used to quite consistently. My sleep isn't perfect yet, but it's miles better than it used to be.

Sorry for the long post, but I hope it helps.

The journey to getting better is going to be hard, but it's going to be worth it. You're stronger than you think you are, so try not to lose hope. If you want to talk, then don't hesitate to message me or anyone on here that wants to help.

Hello kaylaurynn: I must say you received a great reply from Raghib Ahmed... many spot-on, useful suggestions! The other option, if you feel you need it, is therapy. From what you wrote, if you're getting close to the point where you feel you may be in danger of self-harming, then therapy may be the way to go if you can arrange it.

Are you in school? Are you employed? You wrote you don't hang out with anyone. Of course, isolating is one of the symptoms of depression. And keeping to yourself can itself aggravate your depression & increase the possibility of beginning to self-harm. So, from that perspective, anything you can do to get yourself out-&-about would be beneficial. Inactivity can, itself lead to, or aggravate, insomnia. So, if you can gradually ramp up the amount of activity you engage in, this may help.

[archipelago]

Well, posting here and asking all the right questions is great and shows that you do want to be well and want ideas on how to get there. So it may not seem so strong but you do have hope.

And there is reason to. Depression can be helped tremendously and even healed completely. It depends on lots of things but the point is that there is hope.

Therapy really does help and so do some medications. If you for whatever reasons can't go that way, there are things you can do for yourself, like the suggestions here.

I would add that breaking out of the isolation even if just a little bit is going to help. There are ways to do this. One that is related to therapy is joining a support group. Often these are free and people understand what it is like.

If not, then signing up for some sort of class or workshop. You meet people and do something different, both helpful.

I find keeping a journal and finding creative outlets helpful. I also have done a lot of reading and find that helps too.

[alicetailor]

You should talk to your parents and see a therapist, there is no other way. Even if you want to sort it out on your own, you need to talk to someone and who else can be better than your own parents.