Why is it so hard to do what we know needs to be done?

Why is it so hard to make ourselves do things we know we need to do? I just get so aggravated with myself sometimes -- I know that I need to stop fooling around online and start to do something useful, but I don't move in that direction.

I feel the same. It seems such a struggle to do simple things i need to do. It took me 4 days to send an important letter. The post box is 1 minute walk. I get really annoyed with my self too.

I can relate to that, too. Guess we all can.

Above sentiments echoed.

Even if it's vital to survival!

I think you may have inadvertently hit on the key to the whole thing. Or at the least what is a very large part of the problem. It's so hard because it is hard for a lot of us. That's the crux of the matter. Forcing yourself to do those things, or some of them at least, can make a world of difference. But it's so hard and we can think of so many reasons why we can't/don't

Usually it is the problem of not knowing the immediate next step and not debugging past fiasco incidents thoroughly enough.

Such incidents (not mailing the important letter for 4 days, with a USPS box a minute away) need to go through a post mortem analysis: why did it take 4 days? Is it because cryingontheinside had no stamps? Or were the stamps too old - insufficient postage? Or was the subject matter of the letter emotionally charged, causing procrastination and avoidance? Out of ink? Need to find the addressee's full contact info? Did not know what to write? Was the letter free text or did cryingontheinside need to fill out a form, and in the latter case, was it clear how to fill out the form or were there lengthy instructions that were a prime reason to procrastinate? Was there resistance to success lurking in the back of the mind? (If I send the letter on time, I will achieve ABC, and since I do not feel worthy of anything positive, I will sabotage writing that letter).

And many other questions that can be pondered.

Feeling aggravated or berating yourself or feeling annoyed with yourself is all not just useless, but counterproductive, because just as success breeds success, so, too, failure breeds failure. A person who thinks of oneself as a procrastinator is not going to attack a problem with vigor, right?

The only helpful approach is figuring out why things do not get done and frequently asking yourself the question: "What is my next step? Do I have everything I need?"

To send a letter, you need paper and pen / printer, an envelope, enough postage, the addressee's contact info, and possibly a lot of info that is scattered around in different places just to put together the text. It is not a trivial matter - the level of complexity is fairly high. To take out the trash, you need sheer will power or a way to look at taking out the trash as a welcome change from whatever you have been doing on the computer; this is because taking out the trash is trivial. Sending an important letter is not trivial.

This has always been such a daily struggle for me. I feel so useless because of it. Its the worst especially when you know something needs to get down right now... But it just seems too hard so then you just put it off. Sometimes I don't even know why. Sometimes I think the thought of doing what needs to be done just doesn't seem pleasant so I do mindless time wasting things and then realize that I didn't get said thing done in time. I also have horrible time management skills as well...

Hi - I'm brand new here, and will find my way to the introductions section soon, but just wanted to say something about this.

I recently took a "30 days of yoga" online course which was really interesting.

Among the great learnings was this one : "the struggle IS the practice"

They were referring to getting on our yoga mats for home practice, but it could easily be applied to anything.

The struggle to get things done, take care of ourselves or various tasks & chores -- it's the struggle that is human, and universal (well, almost universal, I know a few people like my husband who don't seem to struggle with chores but I sure do).

.. I also liked something else that's stated in yoga terms but could again apply to so much more "it's called a practice, not a perfect" ...

Procrastination is not just laziness for me, but also avoidance, a central feature of my social anxiety disorder.

the avoidance issue is the central one for me too, and from what I've read that's true for almost everyone, not even connected to disorders, it's just perfectly human & normal.

I've come to believe it's normal & that I just need to work with it, find strategies that help, and not expect it to change. It took me 45 years to figure that out, by the way, until this year I always thought there was a way to "get over it" (can't tell you how many books I've read on the topic!) but now I just say "hmm interesting, okay, what will get me moving right now?" and try that...

I have about 15 techniques that work for me sometimes, usually I know which one will work at a given time. Current favorites are Pomodoro technique (focused work for just 25 min with breaks) "eating a frog" (doing the worst task first), and lining up TWO important tasks and letting myself move back and forth between them, that way I keep moving on important things but can change topics when I want.

There's a lot of reasons for this.

I think the biggest one comes from a fundamental law of the universe: an object in motion stays in motion, an object at rest stays at rest.

In a word: momentum. Our natural tendency is to keep doing what we are doing until a "force" acts on us in such a way that we are compelled to move or change direction. We see this a lot with procrastination. We keep putting off something until the deadline hits, and then the weight of that deadline forces us into action. Ever notice that after that happens, once you break through those first couple of minutes of not wanting to do a think, that it suddenly isn't nearly as bad as we thought it would be?

I get this all the time when it comes to doing dishes. My dishes pile up in the sink and the thought of doing them is almost unbearable (I hate doing them). Then, I force myself to go do them and by the time I have the water running, I'm actually enjoying doing it (because I listen to a book on tape or music while doing them).

So, to get past this we have to find ways to overcome the momentum of inaction. One of the most effective ways, I think, is to set goals so tiny that you can't find any reason NOT to do them. For example, if you're a writer, set the goal of writing 100 words. Anybody can write 100 words (it'd take even the worst writers ten minutes to do that).

You'll find that once you start typing those words, and once you reach that goal, that you won't want to stop. Often a 100 words will turn into 2000 words simply because of the momentum. Once you've started, you won't want to stop in the middle of it.

this happens to me every morning I try to wake up. I feel as though it would be better to stay asleep. then I get up thinking its hard but in reality it was pretty easy. I set a small goal of opening my eyes then thinking of what I should do when I get up. Then I think god woke me up today I should get up.

Ack, I hope my reply goes through this time. I keep losing it, but third time's the charm!

There are so many interesting ideas on this thread! I really like thinking about it in terms of momentum -- at times in my life I have had great momentum. Now I am at rest and coming off from that is very hard. I also like thinking about this as a struggle we will always live with and might as well get used to - and do try to keep in mind my next steps - sometimes I even write them down on index cards and rip them up as I complete each task.

Another concept that has helped me has been the idea of 'listening to the burning bush.' When you walk by the dishes and that nagging voice in your heads says you should do them, just do them - don't talk yourself out of it (which is what I usually do).

Someday I will figure out how to package motivation and sell it and get rich enough so I don't need to worry about motivation anymore

Will we all get a friends and family introductory discount when you package motivation for sale?

This is a major problem for me (ADHD).

LOL, sure, anyone here can test my bottled motivation for free... once I get around to it

I didn't realize that this was so common with other people. I too put things off. I have rescheduled and missed by mammogram appointment so many times last week they are going to charge me. That is not like me. I don't know what the problem is. I guess you just have to psych yourself into doing things you don't really want to do. Usually a moral obligation and your health would be a good reason to make your appointment, but for some reason it wasn't for me. I will try again this week.

I know exactly what the problem is and what to do about it!

When MDs diagnose depression, they don't ask you if you procrastinate, but, really, they should. I believe that procrastination is a direct consequence of the core process that is going on with depression and essentially all depressed people do this and suffer as a consequence. See

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

for a description and for what to do about it.

- vital

Aaah, nice, so perhaps that's how it goes with me. (also have SA)