[xRavenx]

Lately, I keep hearing that the one solution to a lot of my problems is to start learning how to love myself. People say this a lot, but..... I don't know where to begin. What does it really mean to love yourself, and what do you try to work on in order to love yourself? I really want to work on this, so any tips/direction to go in would be helpful.

[Perna]

Hey, Raven. I found it easier to first like myself :-) I did that by considering myself my friend and trying to treat myself the same way I would a friend. Sort of split your thinking so you think of yourself in the third person and go from there. If you hear yourself put yourself down, have your "better" friend self stand up for you. Eventually you notice the put downs are not very creative or accurate, etc. "That's stupid!" isn't very well defined; what exactly is "that" and what does "stupid" mean and why should you care? Just keep putting down the puter downer and encouraging the you that is trying. If you make a mistake, it's just a mistake, you learn from it and move on; making a big deal of it doesn't help anything?

Eventually you realize you are doing pretty well with "you" and the "two" of you :-) are buddies and you feel more confident, etc.

[SvanThor]

If I'm being completely honest, I don't really know how to love myself because I've hated myself for so long. But what I can say is that it is true for others to have a hard time loving and respecting you if you can't do it for yourself.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by SvanThor

If I'm being completely honest, I don't really know how to love myself because I've hated myself for so long. But what I can say is that it is true for others to have a hard time loving and respecting you if you can't do it for yourself.

Hi SvanThor, I can relate to that completely. I feel I need to love myself or I can never be loved.....I sense there are certain people in my life that are using me, and I wonder why they think this is okay and have doubts in my self and sense of self-worth. Maybe they see me as someone who would forgive them and tolerate this, so they keep doing it? When I do call them out on their behavior though, I don't see much change either. I guess I have to stop worrying about others and not accept certain behaviors. At least that would be a step towards self-respect, I suppose. I hate when my emotions are toyed with, and I tend to shift blame on myself rather than others through giving people excuses and thinking to myself that I'm being "too sensitive," so I should just brush the problem under the rug.

[-jimi-]

I mostly respect myself and mostly like myself. I think I am special to me, eh, that sounded weird but yea...

But I don't love myself. Not even in my most selfish or self developing moments have I loved myself.

I haven't known that for THAT long. I thought if you didn't hate yourself you sort of loved yourself.

I don't love anyone human. I can be very very very attached to a handful of people. I wish them well. I help when I can. I LIKE them.

But I don't love them. And I think self love is like loving someone else. So because I can't, I can't be the object of my own love either.

I have a few more "tender" feelings towards people as I age, especially towards my elderly family, so maybe I'm just maturing very slowly or something. I never had that before.

I don't really have much affective empathy ether, and none towards myself... I know empathy by definition is for someone else but... I don't know what to call it otherwise.

Love... dunno what it is.

[-jimi-]

I do believe predators can sniff low self worth, yes. I used to think victims were random always, then I understood but still not, how there is revictimization and similar. Now I think I sort of understand.

It seemed cruel to me at first. Well it is really. Most people don't use others but it doesn't take many to need to protect yourself.