[DechanDawa]

This is a phrase Thunder Bow used in another thread but I am borrowing it because I love this idea he put forth.

Saying no to suicidal ideation is taking the risk to heal.

Today I decided to take suicidal ideation off the table. This isn't easy.

It means saying no to the comfort of darkness and hiding under the covers.

It means saying yes to Life... Life's challenges as well as it's rewards.

Usually when I wake up my first thoughts are suicidal ideation thoughts. But this morning was different. This morning I thought, "No. No to suicidal ideation. I am taking it off the table."

The day felt different. I said yes to Life. I said yes to the mountains, yes to the sky, I said yes to both strangers and friends. I said yes to co-workers and baristas and bus drivers. I said yes to my mechanic and yes to the herbalist and the bookseller.

I said yes to good food, great coffee, chocolate, a long walk, and a beautiful sunset.

I said yes to healing. This isn't just a feeling. It is a commitment. I became used to suicidal ideation and it had a strange power over me.

Now I am going to do what Thunder Bow suggested to someone else. I am going to take the risk to heal. Saying yes to Life is empowering.

(Thank you Thunder Bow)

[DechanDawa]

When I started this thread I was feeling really hopeful. Then I got fired today. It was at the end of a 30-day probation. I know it is probably for the best. The job wasn't really a good fit. Let's see if I can hang on to my commitment to heal.

[DechanDawa]

I can feel myself not being able to cope so I guess I will hit the crisis hotlines.

[Skeezyks]

[puzzclar]

Maybe the end of this job is a door opening to a better situation.