[BillyTalent1992]

Hello to everyone in the Psych Central form!

I’ve been meaning to ask for advice via an online forum for a while now but for whatever reason (most likely the fear that I’m beyond help) I’ve avoided doing so. I still thought it was worth having a go so I finally convinced myself to sit down and get typing. I’ve never tried this before but I’ll try to be as concise as possible so without further ado here we go.

For the longest time now, I’ve wanted to ‘reinvent myself’ into a happier, more productive, energetic and independent individual and to be happier in my own skin. I have vague ideas on where to start but any time I try to focus my efforts on positive change, I almost feel paralysed by the thought. This usually leads to distraction and procrastination (often sleeping the day away, overeating or sitting in front of YouTube videos or my xbox) and a never-ending cycle of anxiety, disappointment, frustration, sadness and ultimately nothing useful getting done. I just want to embrace the aspirations I have for myself (graphic design, music, charity work) but find it difficult to do when I’m so self-critical and lacking in self-esteem.

Just to briefly provide a little bit of background, I’m twenty-five years old and work as a full-time graphic designer for the local newspaper. I was diagnosed with clinical depression during my late teens and asperger’s syndrome three years ago. I’ve been in and out of various counselling and psychotherapy groups and have been on a variety of anti-depressant medications ever since and have been involved with mindfulness and well-being workshops all in attempts to reach the goal detailed above, seemingly to no avail.

I know it’s impossible to paint an accurate picture of myself in such a small space (especially for people who’ve never met me before) but I suppose what I’m hoping is that upon reading this, someone from the forum can relate to what I’ve described and is able to advise me on how to approach this task in a more realistic and manageable way. If I can help to shed some more light on what I’m experiencing, I’d be more than happy to do so on this thread or by private message.

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this message and for any help that I receive. I hope I didn't waffle on too much and I look forward to hearing from members of the forum.

Thank you!