Hi. So I have struggled with following through with social things (in the past, currently, and I'm only assuming in the future as well, lol).

This issue, and how bad or good it gets is something that ebbs and flows. There have been times where it wasn't really an issue (For like a few weeks in October, I was following through with everything! It was awesome!), and there are times, like currently, when it's just been difficult to get myself to do the stuff I know will 1.) make me feel connected, 2.) bring me chances to meet people, make friends, etc, 3.) make my life more interesting and engaging, 4.) give me something I need (anti-loneliness antidote), and 5.) give me a feeling of accomplishment, pride, etc.

My goal is to follow through with the social things I choose to do, such as: knitting group, meet up groups, meditation group, as well as other things I choose along the way.

This is not going to go smoothly, lol. I can tell you right now you're not going to see ribbons and banners in each post of like "woohoo I went to another thing! go me!" You will sometimes see that though too, not gonna lie.

For a while, I've been "trying to figure it out." Like "Why." Why do I do this? I'm not sure that's really helpful though. Not as much as "How." How can I get myself to do these things despite feeling initial resistance? How can I get myself to not act on that resistance? How can I follow through, instead?

Everyone is different, and some people do not experience this at all and don't even know what I'm talking about. This is my developmental and cellular make up though. And it is my personal challenge.

Join me on my journey, won't you? I'm open to support, ideas, thoughts, hugs, likes, etc. The idea of people just reading and not saying anything is so awkward, but I also assuming that's what will happen most actually, lol.

See you in my next post.

[Blue_Bird]

I understand what you're talking about. I have so much apprehension when it comes to doing new things or anything social

It usually takes me like months and months to be able to do something, and when I finally force myself to do it I realize it's actually a good experience most of the time

[downandlonely]

I get what you mean KnitChick. Often I don't want to leave the house, but usually when I do I feel better. It's getting over that initial inertia that's tough. What I have found helps is making plans where it's important that I be there.

For example, I volunteer teaching English as a Second Language. It's a commitment. If I don't go, there would be no class. I also teach Sunday school at church. Same issue there. I sing in the choir at church sometimes (I mainly joined to force myself to go to church). But actually that doesn't always work, because I'm not an essential part of the choir. They can easily sing without me, so often I don't go.

It's also hard for me because public transportation is not good in my city. I have a car, but when I am feeling too depressed and anxious, I have trouble focusing enough to drive. Driving actually becomes dangerous at that point. But now that Uber is common here, if I don't feel safe to drive, I take Uber instead and still get out.

Just sharing what works for me.

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I get what you mean KnitChick. Often I don't want to leave the house, but usually when I do I feel better. It's getting over that initial inertia that's tough. What I have found helps is making plans where it's important that I be there.

For example, I volunteer teaching English as a Second Language. It's a commitment. If I don't go, there would be no class. I also teach Sunday school at church. Same issue there. I sing in the choir at church sometimes (I mainly joined to force myself to go to church). But actually that doesn't always work, because I'm not an essential part of the choir. They can easily sing without me, so often I don't go.

It's also hard for me because public transportation is not good in my city. I have a car, but when I am feeling too depressed and anxious, I have trouble focusing enough to drive. Driving actually becomes dangerous at that point. But now that Uber is common here, if I don't feel safe to drive, I take Uber instead and still get out.

Just sharing what works for me.

I can relate to what you are saying, too. The word inertia feels right for me. It is very hard to get myself moving once I'm in my apt.

I've been experimenting on and off with getting myself to do stuff. And sometimes its harder, sometimes its easier. I just exercised for 20 min to a workout video. It helped with my mood. It was so hard to get myself to do it. But I bribed myself and also reminded myself that good feelings come after doing something, not before. And motivation comes after you start, not before. Often, anyways.

I'm just thinking about Newton's law of motion. What Millennials Can Learn About Motivation From Newton's Law Of Motion

An object that is still, stays still, and an object that is in motion, stays in motion, applies to us too. The more I do stuff and am in motion, the more I will continue to do stuff and stay in motion. For me that's usually the case, unless, I'm having an HSP moment, and need to bunker down hibernate in my room for a little while due to stress of what I encounter and the way I process it.

I agree with you and can relate, downandlonely, to having to be somewhere, where people are counting on you. Some kind of accountability. That's how I got myself to my language class that I just completed. I had support from someone. Which may be a little different. But I'd call her and tell her if I was struggling to go. Or I'd tell her after, that I went.

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I understand what you're talking about. I have so much apprehension when it comes to doing new things or anything social

It usually takes me like months and months to be able to do something, and when I finally force myself to do it I realize it's actually a good experience most of the time

Hugs, Blue_Bird. Years ago, I had really bad social anxiety. It's not bad anymore. But I often experience anxiety more in my head (my thoughts) than in my body now. However, this could be a residual form. I don't know. I have avoided social things ever since college, which was like 15 years ago. Thats a long time. It may be really ingrained in me, even though once I'm there, I'm fine. I also don't really find myself thinking socially anxious thoughts before I go to these things, so I don't know what it really is now. I just know it definitely started as social anxiety and also as trauma reaction. It seems more depressive now. I suppose, honestly, it is best not to try to label and analyze it though, and just work with what I have and know.

Today was not bad. I went to meditation group, which I love. I go every Sunday. Church is after, and a lot of the group members go to that church. I have tried it out so many times, but it's not really me. Maybe I can try a different church sometime.

[RomanSunburn]

Just wanted to let you know this is also something I struggle with and am currently trying to overcome. Part of my problem at this point is that I'm in a new area (we moved a little over a year ago), so I'm struggling to find things to do and people to do them with... Add to that the homesickness for where we used to live, and it's an uphill battle for me.

I don't have any advice, but I'll be rooting for all of us on this thread!

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

Just wanted to let you know this is also something I struggle with and am currently trying to overcome. Part of my problem at this point is that I'm in a new area (we moved a little over a year ago), so I'm struggling to find things to do and people to do them with... Add to that the homesickness for where we used to live, and it's an uphill battle for me.

I don't have any advice, but I'll be rooting for all of us on this thread!

Hi RomanSunburn, I have never really moved to another area, but while this is not something I've experienced, you still have my sympathy. And I definitely know what its like to feel lonely. I hope that you find some places to call home and where you feel you belong in your new area. I have hope that you will.

Today I did not really have to do anything that was hard, socially. I met with my therapist, and residential worker (separate appt.), and went grocery shopping with my mom. It did keep me occupied.

Tomorrow I have to take a test, which is something I have not done in a long time! I decided not to set up any other social things tomorrow, because I think the test is stressful enough.

Wednesday, I don't have much going on, and I think it's a good day to go to an exercise class at the gym. I also need to practice typing (which is located out in my community), and that might be a good day for that too.

See you tomorrow.

One day at a time...

A knitting group sounds like fun. I don’t know how to knit though.

I'd just like to put this link here as a reminder to myself, and anybody else who may be struggling to accept something difficult in your life: How to accept things
I read to "how to #6," though there are 14 in all I think. I will come back to it later.

Originally Posted by Sisabel

One day at a time...

A knitting group sounds like fun. I don’t know how to knit though.

Sisabel, the knitting group I go to is fun. And quite rowdy! Knitting is, in my opinion, one of the most wonderful things on the planet. Not everybody thinks so. But they're not me

Today: so today I went to my test! I have not taken an academic test in so long. I crashed with the math. But english I did well in. It's just measuring what I need help in, and doing poorly doesn't prohibit me from getting into the program I want. So yeah.

I was a bit nervous about it, but it went well and I followed through. Go me!!

I am coming down with a virus of some sort. My head hurts, and I have some cold like symptoms along with some stomach issues. Being sick sucks! Gonna lay low today, though I'm going to try to get myself to the gym at some point, too.

[RomanSunburn]

Originally Posted by KnitChick

Today: so today I went to my test! I have not taken an academic test in so long. I crashed with the math. But english I did well in. It's just measuring what I need help in, and doing poorly doesn't prohibit me from getting into the program I want. So yeah.

I was a bit nervous about it, but it went well and I followed through. Go me!!

I am coming down with a virus of some sort. My head hurts, and I have some cold like symptoms along with some stomach issues. Being sick sucks! Gonna lay low today, though I'm going to try to get myself to the gym at some point, too.

Way to go on taking the test! Even placement tests can be pretty nerve wracking, so definitely pat yourself on the back for following through!

I hope you feel better soon!

And personally, I never had the patience for knitting (or the wherewithal to struggle through fixing my mistakes, especially if they were more than one row back). I prefer crocheting, but I'm a fan of anyone that enjoys fiber arts of any kind! Maybe I should look for a knitting and crochet group in my area... How did you find yours, KnitChick?

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

Way to go on taking the test! Even placement tests can be pretty nerve wracking, so definitely pat yourself on the back for following through!

I hope you feel better soon!

And personally, I never had the patience for knitting (or the wherewithal to struggle through fixing my mistakes, especially if they were more than one row back). I prefer crocheting, but I'm a fan of anyone that enjoys fiber arts of any kind! Maybe I should look for a knitting and crochet group in my area... How did you find yours, KnitChick?

Hi RomanSunburn, thank you for the encouragement and well wishes.

I found it through a knitting group I used to go to, but didn't click with it. I learned from them though, that there's a newish yarn store in my city, and that's where the group is hosted. You should look on ravelry.com. Look through their groups and see if anything comes up for your area. That's how I found the first group. It's worth a shot! Also sometimes meet up dot com has knitting groups too. Or google crochet / knitting groups in your area. OR (omg, wow, so many options to try!) you could check your local library system. Sometimes libraries have knitting and crochet groups (the ones in my area do)!

[RomanSunburn]

Originally Posted by KnitChick

Hi RomanSunburn, thank you for the encouragement and well wishes.

I found it through a knitting group I used to go to, but didn't click with it. I learned from them though, that there's a newish yarn store in my city, and that's where the group is hosted. You should look on ravelry.com. Look through their groups and see if anything comes up for your area. That's how I found the first group. It's worth a shot! Also sometimes meet up dot com has knitting groups too. Or google crochet / knitting groups in your area. OR (omg, wow, so many options to try!) you could check your local library system. Sometimes libraries have knitting and crochet groups (the ones in my area do)!

These are great ideas! I will definitely do some looking around. But now for my next question...! How did you muster up the courage/overcome the inertia (and anxiety if you had any?) to try it out?

[happysobercrafter]

This is a Fantastic idea, Knitchick!! I am joining in cos my writing the goals I want to achieve isn't working, LOLOL I lose track of time because of my depression and cptsd and that really sucks.

My problem is fatigue. Most of my childhood is repressed and I know that takes up tons of energy. I have health problems so I have to force myself to go to the store once a week. I am exhausted when I get back home.

All righty then! I really need to get my apartment cleaned up. I do a little when I can. Some days I have to just sit and veg because if I don't, I pay for it and am just miserable. I have been writing some; I am polishing up two essays about my background, my acting out and how I have gotten better to post on my blog. Hopefully, it will be good enough to sell. I am determined to get myself out of poverty.

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

These are great ideas! I will definitely do some looking around. But now for my next question...! How did you muster up the courage/overcome the inertia (and anxiety if you had any?) to try it out?

These are excellent questions and I don't have a fully formed answer, because fear / anxiety and also inertia / depression are things that stop me at times, and they can be barriers. But I do have some success at times. I did create this thread as a sort of accountability for myself. I will post more tomorrow about this and try to answer and comment on your Q's tomorrow, RomanSunburn.

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter

This is a Fantastic idea, Knitchick!! I am joining in cos my writing the goals I want to achieve isn't working, LOLOL I lose track of time because of my depression and cptsd and that really sucks.

My problem is fatigue. Most of my childhood is repressed and I know that takes up tons of energy. I have health problems so I have to force myself to go to the store once a week. I am exhausted when I get back home.

All righty then! I really need to get my apartment cleaned up. I do a little when I can. Some days I have to just sit and veg because if I don't, I pay for it and am just miserable. I have been writing some; I am polishing up two essays about my background, my acting out and how I have gotten better to post on my blog. Hopefully, it will be good enough to sell. I am determined to get myself out of poverty.

Hi HappyCrafter, nice to see you here! Yes, join. And welcome.

It sounds like you know yourself very well. Like when you said "Some days I have to just sit and veg because if I don't, I pay for it and am just miserable." This is good to know about yourself. And to remember to be kind to yourself when your priorities and interests conflict (i.e. rest VS cleaning up).

I think you are a good writer. You have a personality and style that shines through, and when I say shines, that's true too. You are quite positive!

I think it's wonderful that you are trying to get yourself out of poverty. Keep learning and reading about that situation. There's a lot there and it's totally systemic. Btw, I'm trying to get myself out of poverty too. I have a plan of going to school, and I'm finally able to get the support I have needed for a long time. Do you get support at all from organizations (mental health, low income, etc)? Do you have that kind of thing where you live? They can come in handy. They have for me, anyway.

Anyway, welcome.

[happysobercrafter]

Thank you for your kind words about my writing; I do enjoy it!

My teeth are rotting and I am behind in medical tests I need but cannot afford. I am concerned that if I don't get out of poverty, my depression will return worse. I was in school for a few years to learn to write but because of my learning disability I could not keep up with the coursework and they expelled me after I got my second "F".

I managed to take one introductory writing class which I aced but I have learned the most I know about writing because of writing software called Prowritingaid. I use it every time I write which I try to do as often as I can. But, with my mental health problems, I can't write every day.

On the help, they offer it in my area and I enjoyed it for several years. I dropped it because I could not bring myself to go to the office to reapply without crying my eyes out. I am determined to support myself with my talents. I want to be a responsible adult and manage my life.

I will not give up hope. And, would you like to know what's worse? There are MILLIONS around the world who live in similar circumstances or worse.

That is appalling. And it makes me angry.

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

These are great ideas! I will definitely do some looking around. But now for my next question...! How did you muster up the courage/overcome the inertia (and anxiety if you had any?) to try it out?

Ok RomanSunburn. I definitely have these same issues that you do. For me, working through these things, there's not just one way, but a lot of ways, and I use all the tools available to me. I think sometimes, just having the mindset: "I'm going to show up, no matter what's going on with me, no matter how I'm feeling, I'll just show up as me in that moment," helps. Honestly I have been avoiding knitting group for I think over a month now. But I always put it on my calendar for the next week. So trust me, I have issues with this too.

I am also in a DBT group, and learning DBT skills. It helps.

Are you in therapy? Therapy with a good fitting therapist is very helpful too. Support helps.

Be patient. I have been working on these issues for years. Maybe it won't take you years. It started getting easier when I moved out of my parents house last year, and asked for help. I asked for what I needed (support) from others, and I don't believe there is any shame in that. You do have to let go of your ego a little, to do that. It also got easier when I found an antidepressant that helped.

I also think that there can be this preconception about anxiety like, unless we feel better, we can't go out and do it. In other words, we think we have to feel ready in order to do it and that is simply not often the case with anxiety. Yes, there are steps we can take to make it easier. And there's a hierarchy of easier stuff vs harder stuff for us. But you start to feel better about it after you've done it.

Same with inertia. Motivation. We think we must feel motivated first, and then go do the thing. Nope. Actually motivation comes, a lot of the time, once we've gotten up and moving and go towards the thing, start doing the thing, going to the thing, etc. "Motivation comes after action." Google that and you'll come up with a lot.

I hope I helped, RS. Let me know!

So today was knitting group. I didn't go. I was nervous about it all day, thought I'd gotten a handle of it and some motivation, then drove to dunkin donuts and my parents house instead. I'm disappointed but I'll try again next week.

So Christmas is here. It does not feel like it at all to me. Regardless, it's here in 3 days (Christmas Eve). Today is Friday, and since I don't have anything to do, I'm going to use it as my self care day. I will also go to the gym, clean my kitchen, and put my laundry away. But yeah. Self care day, rest day.

[RomanSunburn]

Christmas seriously snuck up on me this year... I'm blaming the weather, but I seriously have no idea what happened...

To respond to you responding to me... I'm not currently in therapy. I had a really great therapist before we moved, but I just haven't been feeling motivated to find a new one here. Part of the problem is it took me probably a decade to actually find a good T that I absolutely loved and was actually able to help me. I had a lot of so-so ones before her, and even one downright terrible one that I think did way more damage than good. I'm just a little nervous about trying to find a new one. I honestly haven't been impressed with the healthcare system as a whole here. I realize I only moved from one part of the country to another, but everything is so different here (and in my eyes, less great) so I have a lot of trepidation about going through the work of finding a new T and pdoc.

I think a lot of what you said made sense, both about the anxiety and the motivation. If we wait to feel better and motivated, we'll never leave our house and never feel better. It's doing the things we don't want to do, but knowing they'll help us feel better, that will make us feel better. I happened to be in a crafting store the other day, and I picked up some flyers about taking classes there. They crocheting classes didn't interest me, but maybe a sewing or quilting class? At this point, I'm going to wait to get through the holidays and start seriously considering things in January.

Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. I really appreciate it!

Hi and hello! Well, as you all know, Christmas happened yesterday. What a whirlwind (of things, food, people, and emotions). Today I was super tired all day because I didn't sleep well last night. But it was a good day today.

I'm going to get back into the swing of things tomorrow. I have a list of things to get done. I am also going shopping tomorrow because I mean, Christmas money.

Have a good evening all.