[Shangrala]

Hi all ~

I am here with hopes of obtaining an understanding to the act of self-injury.
Although I do not resort to the act myself, I do know a few youths who do. All are online contacts who contact me for occassional support, as I am far older..and they feel comfy confiding in me, which I not only think is great, but am honored by.

I do my best to be supportive, attempt to direct them to addressing these issues with their parents, or seeking counselling (whether privately, or through school), I feel that because of my ignorance of self-injury I cannot provide them with enough understanding TO be of more help to them.

Many, if not ALL of these youths express to me that addressing their parents is simply out of the question, each having their own reason. And because they are all online contacts, I am extremely limited with the help I have to offer.

So, I thought I'd take a different approach and seek out understanding from the sources itself, thus my request from all of you, to hopefully explain to me the causes, reasons, circumstances, how you deal with it, and what resources you take to cope with preventions?

I am trying to encourage as many of these youths to join this forum as another resouce for them to hopefully find some means of relief, as well as to encourage them to use the chat sessions. I'm hoping that with the help of y'all it will provide me that lil extra leverage of understanding TO encourage them to join.
So far, 2 of the youths have joined...I'm hoping to recruit others as well.

I have done some reading about self-injury, which I have found somewhat helpful, however, I have discovered that direct responses through this site, (even regarding my own personal issues), have provided me with a much more in-depth understanding...which I hope to pass onto these youths.

Thank you all for any help you may offer me.

Shangrala

[xxMSFxx]

I was self injuring for years. I find it more linked to depression, or anger toward myself. Most times it was done so that i can see that i can actually bleed and everything was real. Other times it seemed like it was the only thing that i could control in my life. What helped was finding out my boyfriend did it for years as well. I try to hold back because i see how much it hurts him. As of coping skills, i just try to talk to someone, mainly my boyfriend since he knows what im going threw. Its difficult talking to parents because they think your acting out and just want the attention. Or they don't fully understand whats going on.

......I hope i helped some what

[Sannah]

Everything people do has a purpose. Many who SI do so because they are unable to deal with their feelings. Pain releases dopamine and dopamine improves mood. This is what makes it addictive. All the other addictions increase dopamine also. So learning how to deal with feelings is a good start.

Others SI because it stops flashbacks and/or dissociation. It is a way to ground yourself.

Schizophrenics can SI due to command hallucinations.

Young adults can SI to feel like they belong. They do this in SI groups.

Burning can help people deal with rage.

The best therapy is that which helps the client to understand why they are doing it and then deal with that issue so that they no longer need to SI. A therapist demanding that the client stop is not being helpful. SI is a way to cope.

[phoenix7]

I SI to ;

ground myself

punish myself

make the outside as ugly as I feel the inside to be

to avoid dealing with the issues and emotions that are causing the emotions/feelings I am trying to avoid

to feel something- anything

as a way to side step suicidal thoughts

I have had CBT, TFT, EMDR, DBT and I have a fantastic T now that is helping me.

There are stickies at the top of the threads that have very good info in them - worth a read - take care P7

[phoenix7]

oh and the first time I SI'd it was to try to let the pain out and have a visible sign of the pain inside.

[Fuzzybear]

to ground myself also

and to punish myself

[Christina86]

Shangrala - you are such a wonderful person for even being willing to listen and to help... even if you don't understand, it's wonderful that they're able to confide in you.



So. Hi! I'm 22, almost 23. I "quit" self injury 2 years, and roughly 4 months ago... partly because of the support I received here on PC, but also because of my social network offline as well.

I have *never* told my parents, nor do I ever intend to. I guess there is such a stigma involved with disclosing it, that I'd rather not risk further abuse from my family. Essentially because they're partly to blame for me resorting to it in the first place (my family is abusive, in more than one way).

If you're recruiting other youth to join PC, do tell them that they can PM me anytime, since I'm always willing to listen as well.

One book I'm recommending, if you'd really like to go out and either read or borrow it - is "Helping Teens Who Cut: Understanding and Ending Self-Injury" by Michael Hollander. Another great book is "Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation" by Steven Levenkron. I've read both, actually I've read a LOT of books on the topics of self-injury/self-mutilation, not only because of my addiction but because I'm a psychology student and that sort of thing fascinates me.

Causes:
Low-self esteem. Basically that's my general answer for what "causes" self injury. Self injury is NOT about a person being suicidal, which is what most people frequently believe. Self injury is a way of "coping" with negative feelings and situations and events and thoughts... but it doesn't mean that the person is suicidal.

Reasons:
Low self esteem (and cognitive distortions), family issues, depression/anxiety/other mental health issues, life/school/friend issues... but like I said, self-injury is a way to cope with the stress/anxiety/depression/whatever...

Circumstances:
I'm not sure what you mean here... circumstances when I would self-injure, or the circumstances that led me to begin self-injuring?

I'm a pretty anxious/emo/depressed person. I'm very much influenced by my environment, and if I have a bad situation/moment or meet a negative situation or person in any given day that makes me feel crappy... I could theoretically self injure.

I don't remember what caused me to begin self-injuring... and it's all dependent upon what you call "self injury". Most people think "cutting" is the typical form of self injury, and they're partly right. But also wrong... I've done very little cutting in my life, I tend to do more hitting/bruising/scrapping/biting ... thankfully no burning (which is, by far, I think the most disasterous form because it's harder to control and leaves more damage than most other self-injury). I've done ways to cope with anxiety for years... starting back in highschool sometime, but I honestly don't remember a specific day/time/date. I remember joking about wanting to hurt myself with scissors back in Grade 10 and my friends always taking them away from me... but I don't know how serious I was back then.

How I deal with it:
One day at a time, one moment at a time, one urge at a time... I got into counselling, and that helped. I talked to friends who noticed my scars who understood because they had done it or had had friends who did it before... I got on antidepressants, and those helped...

How do I prevent it?

You can't. Really. You cannot prevent an urge from coming back. Sometimes it will, and I've not done anything bad to myself in over two years and sometimes the urges are still there. You cannot really switch your brain off. Once a coping mechanism, it's always in the back of your mind somewhere, you just try to replace it with more healthy coping mechanisms.

You CAN prevent acting upon the urges though. It takes a lot of practice and time though, and yeah I'm keenly aware of the fact that if the urges ever got really bad again - maybe I wouldn't be able to find another way to cope that would "cut it". But I hope that I've learnt enough about myself and my triggers to be able to help myself.

We have a pinned topic here, "Things to do instead of self-injuring". Read it if you've got the time... encourage those who talk to you to make up a list for themselves, of realistic things they can do. Don't make them do a contract that says they'll "never self injure" again, otherwise they're bound to relapse since the control rests in your hands - and not in theirs.

Self injury is about control, just like any other addiction. We want to be able to control our emotions, control our pain, punish ourselves (for perceived "bad"), numb ourselves, to "feel something"... there are so many reasons why people say they self injure. And these reasons change depending on so many different variables.

The best course of action is trying to figure out what "sets you off". What triggers the urges, and you're not going to always know them all. Then you try to find something else to do instead of self-injuring.

Then, you need to make up a realistic list of reasons why you don't WANT to self injure. Reasons that will hopefully help you persuade your unconscious to not give into the urges...

But sometimes, it happens. The best course of action is to NOT beat yourself up over it. It does happen. Nobody is perfect. But what you MUST do is move on, and try again. Wallowing in the fact you've "screwed up" will just make you hate yourself, which will just lead to you wanting to self injure some more. That's a nasty self-depreciating cycle to be caught in, take it from my personal experience.

I know I've rambled a lot, and I'm sorry about that... but if you've got any further questions, don't be afraid to ask! I've always got lots to say.

[Eljay]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

Hi all ~

I am here with hopes of obtaining an understanding to the act of self-injury.
Although I do not resort to the act myself, I do know a few youths who do. All are online contacts who contact me for occassional support, as I am far older..and they feel comfy confiding in me, which I not only think is great, but am honored by.

I do my best to be supportive, attempt to direct them to addressing these issues with their parents, or seeking counselling (whether privately, or through school), I feel that because of my ignorance of self-injury I cannot provide them with enough understanding TO be of more help to them.

Many, if not ALL of these youths express to me that addressing their parents is simply out of the question, each having their own reason. And because they are all online contacts, I am extremely limited with the help I have to offer.

So, I thought I'd take a different approach and seek out understanding from the sources itself, thus my request from all of you, to hopefully explain to me the causes, reasons, circumstances, how you deal with it, and what resources you take to cope with preventions?

I am trying to encourage as many of these youths to join this forum as another resouce for them to hopefully find some means of relief, as well as to encourage them to use the chat sessions. I'm hoping that with the help of y'all it will provide me that lil extra leverage of understanding TO encourage them to join.
So far, 2 of the youths have joined...I'm hoping to recruit others as well.

I have done some reading about self-injury, which I have found somewhat helpful, however, I have discovered that direct responses through this site, (even regarding my own personal issues), have provided me with a much more in-depth understanding...which I hope to pass onto these youths.

Thank you all for any help you may offer me.

Shangrala

Thank you for caring and trying to help others,Shangrala. The first time I cut myself it was out of anger because I wasnt getter better from the pills I took for major depression. I could not understand why I did it. It frightened me, but for some reason seeing the blood flow mesmerised me into a calmative state. It was a very strange feeling. I did feel good on some level, until my parents saw the blood and freacked out. I've done it a few times over the past 10 years. Each time I cut myself I just reached a point where I could not do anything to kerb the anger towards my life situation (depression)that I carry inside myself.