[In_The_Darkness]

I really do not know anymore. I feel happy but I dont ? It's so confusing, nevermind frustrating. Grr.

I admit I kinda feel happy but I have no motivation. I don't want to die but everything feels kinda pathetic. Like stupid ****ing CBT and DBT and all that crap. It's not helping. I think I need to go back to hospital. Not ready yet. I shouldnt have thought, just cus I felt happy, I am ready to leave hospital. Gah

Also. I want to self harm but I dont. Cus it's disgusting when I look down at my arm or leg and see a gaping wound. I can't deal with that sight. Also, I don't neccessarily like pain that much. And believe me, I feel pain. But Im cutting daily. GRRRR. It's so damn confusing. Everytime I cut I feel sick and I feel scared im gonna go too deep and do some damage but I carryon, pressing harder and harder.

GGRRRRR

HEEEEEEEEELP

[In_The_Darkness]

Soo frustrating

[Anirtak]

I'm sorry you feel so frustrated. Can you try doing something else beside cutting? If you absolutely have to cut then maybe you could make a bunch of small cuts rather than a few big deep wounds. (My mom prefers me making a bunch of small cuts rather than one deep one, of course she prefers I didn't cut at all...)

Many

[In_The_Darkness]

Hmm. I'll try doing a load of small ones. I dunno though. I kinda miss hospital. I think I need to go back. I want to. I know I want to. But I also dont want to.

[JayS]

I find if I feel the need to cut deeper the normal, I try to do other things to stop it. Right now I'm burning instead of cutting, the pain lasts longer when burning too, which works good for me.

[In_The_Darkness]

I use to burn...but my method of burning doesn't do as much damage as it used to (give me big blisters) so I dunno. But yeah. Every self harmer has their method. I've grown fond of cutting. Though I have thought about going back to burning and it is actually safer to burn (well my method of buring is definately safer than my method of cutting).

[Anirtak]

I wish you could do something else besides cutting...drawing on my body where I want to cut with a red marker sometimes helps me. I wish you didn't have to cut at all but I think making small cuts is less dangerous than gaping wounds. If you need to go to the hospital then I suggest you look into that. I hope things get better for you.

[In_The_Darkness]

Originally Posted by Anirtak

I wish you could do something else besides cutting...drawing on my body where I want to cut with a red marker sometimes helps me. I wish you didn't have to cut at all but I think making small cuts is less dangerous than gaping wounds. If you need to go to the hospital then I suggest you look into that. I hope things get better for you.

I dunno. I want to but I dont if you get what I mean. I need to, partly, and I want to, partly, but I dont want to. Jeez. This is the kind of thoughts that make me wanna self harm in the first place.

[JayS]

I.T.D

How do you burn then? I rarely get blisters, but it leaves scars after they heal.

[In_The_Darkness]

Cant say. Sorry. Rules.

[JayS]

Oh, sorry... I forgot.