[knothead]

I've been wanting to ask this for some time now, so here goes.

When someone is getting on your case about something, or you're feelings are hurt by someone, do any of you get an urge to show them your scars? Kind of like "Oh yeah, well look at this! See what I do to myself!"

[thinker22]

That makes a lot of sense to me even though I don't have SI scars. I punish myself in other ways, but when people are being mean, unreasonable, impossible, etc., I do wish I could convey to them that I'm my own worst critic, so please shut the **** up! It's like, I can't take any more, don't you understand I'm already on the edge?

I've felt overwhelmed most of my life, from childhood on, trying to take care of other people's problems and ignoring my own. Finally I was able to tell one or two members of my family that I have bipolar. I think maybe they understand a little better that I'm not able to bear everyone else's problems too as I try to maintain my own stability. That's my equivalent of showing my scars and stop trying to be the bastion of strength to the world.

Hope you will get the support you need from the people who love you and the insensitive people will stay far away.

Sadly to say - my scars are visable on my face - not literally - just there!

When I needed to feel, when I needed to feel pain I'd go and get a tattoo.

Especially Every Holiday

It was the only time of the year SHE pretending everything was wonderful and we even we allowed to eat in the same room as them.
Shoot the dog got to sit under the table with them.

[Pup]

in a word. yes.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by knothead

I've been wanting to ask this for some time now, so here goes.

When someone is getting on your case about something, or you're feelings are hurt by someone, do any of you get an urge to show them your scars? Kind of like "Oh yeah, well look at this! See what I do to myself!"

Luckily, for some reason, I have toughened up through the years & my feelings hardly ever get hurt by people anymore.....at least it's something I haven't experienced in a very very long time.

However when someone gets on my case (which also very rarely happens also...but is something that just happened not too long ago), I look at what they have said.....I sit back for a few days & think on it.....put my thoughts together. In this last case, it was a matter of crossing boundaries that had no place being crossed. I decided rather than to confront on the phone or in person, I wrote an email (I used to write letters before email) telling them what I felt & that I didn't want my thoughts to be interrupted by emotions, thus the email.......but that boundaries had been crossed that weren't acceptable in friendship situations.......understanding how when someone takes much time to think they have come up with a solution to your problems, they think it is the only answer, but to demand it being the answer verse a suggestion is going too far......then to turn that demand into other attacks they know nothing about is going way too far.

Basically, when someone does that, they are usually full of problems themselves that need to be approached & boundaries need to be set. If they aren't comfortable with the boundaries, then I don't need them as friends......even though I am more than willing to work at the relationship....it takes both sides to be willing & both sides need to have respect for each other.

No, I don't show wounds.....it doesn't make any difference in reality......what makes a difference is how we relate to each other with respect. Showing scars of what we do to ourself does nothing for keeping a respectful relationship. There are some things we keep to ourselves unless it is to help someone else who is struggling with the same issues & it is used in that way........the only thing that is important when someone gets on your case & hurts your feelings is to put the whole thing into perspective & set up your boundaries that have been overstepped.......if they are willing to accept your boundaries, then you can allow them back into your life....otherwise.....bye......or they will only continue to do it. We don't need people in our lives who treat us that way.

Obviously, there may be some truth in what they are saying or it might not hurt so bad......it is important to take the things that are truth & look at them & see what they actually mean in your life & whether they are something you can do anything about or even want to do anything about.......but the bottom line is you don't need people who are hurting you around you constantly & they need to know that the way they are presenting the information to you is hurtful.....there are many nice ways of helping a person without hurting them....you can give them the same information in a nice way so they can take it helpfully......if they don't want to adapt their ways to be non-hurtful to you.....you don't need them either.....as they will only do more harm than good.

Bottom line is that it does no good to get in a p*$$*ng contest on what hurt more.....what is important is to deal with the facts & the relationship groundrules that you can live with.....let go of all the rest & concentrate on that.....either making it so the relationship is acceptable....or end the relationship.

This is what I found I had to do in life to survive.....hope there is a little something here that might help you also.


Debbie

[knothead]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Luckily, for some reason, I have toughened up through the years & my feelings hardly ever get hurt by people anymore.....at least it's something I haven't experienced in a very very long time......but the bottom line is you don't need people who are hurting you around you constantly.
This is what I found I had to do in life to survive.....hope there is a little something here that might help you also.
Debbie

I hope one day I'll be mature enough to handle things like you do -- I'm a long ways off right now. A lot of times I don't think they realize they are hurting me; I'm overly sensitive so I get hurt easily.

I'm relieved to hear that I'm not the only one who gets that impulse at times -- I thought it was just me.

[carlie lynn]

yessssssssssssss!

[fallenangel337]

I find myself wanting to do this on occasions. I especially wan tot do this when someone is telling me how much worse their life is than mine. I want to shove them in their face and say "You don't know about my life." I mean, maybe it is worse, maybe it isn't...Who's to judge?

Actually, for me, I want to c** when that happens. I have before & did it again last week; I told my psychologist about it again, too. When I do c** myself, I think of the person who made me mad or hurt my feelings & think, "(Put name of person here), you are why I'm hurting myself."

[knothead]

Originally Posted by SWA LUV

Actually, for me, I want to c** when that happens. I have before & did it again last week; I told my psychologist about it again, too. When I do c** myself, I think of the person who made me mad or hurt my feelings & think, "(Put name of person here), you are why I'm hurting myself."

Yeah, now I've done that quite often myself, especially when I was younger, and the more they hurt me, the deeper the wound.

Originally Posted by knothead

Yeah, now I've done that quite often myself, especially when I was younger, and the more they hurt me, the deeper the wound.

I'm glad you can relate, but I hate to see you feel that way, too! How are you doing today?

[Broken Wings]

Originally Posted by knothead

I've been wanting to ask this for some time now, so here goes.

When someone is getting on your case about something, or you're feelings are hurt by someone, do any of you get an urge to show them your scars? Kind of like "Oh yeah, well look at this! See what I do to myself!"

LOL yeah. Only I would like to do it to hurt them. But I actually doubt that if I showed them my scars that it will leave even bruise in their egos.