WANT TO CUT RIGHT NOW trigger

Jul 06, 2009, 11:33 AM

Iam going to the store to buy some razors to cut myself with because iam a evil person and need to punish myself for being evil and i need to go deep this time i do not cut often or deep just enough to draw blood but this time i hope i go so deep i need stiches because i feel life is not worth it anymore the stuggling and the pain

spiritual_emergency · Jul 06, 2009, 11:53 AM

Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.

- Kahlil Gibran

loser37: i feel life is not worth it anymore the stuggling and the pain

You'll have to forgive me -- I don't know much about cutting. It wasn't something I ever felt a need to do so I may be wrong if I sometimes imagine that cutting is a way of bringing the inside wounds to the outside where they can actually be seen and validated.

Meantime, I remember commenting to a friend one day, "I've found a way to end all pain in my life!"

"What's the trick?" he asked.

"Call it something else," I said.

Unfortunately, it wasn't quite that easy even if that answer at that time in my life, made us both laugh just a bit. The truth is a bit harder to swallow because no one gets to avoid pain, but we can change the way we approach it and how we deal with it. Two things I learned that did help me to better cope with the reality of pain were:

- Treat pain like a respected teacher.

- Do Tonglen practice.

Quote:

During this session I'm going to teach tonglen practice. And I'd like to talk first about different styles of tonglen.

The very simplest style... which I think would be helpful for every single one of us, and something well worth cultivating in one's life, is taking a tonglen attitude towards pleasure and pain whenever it arises in your life.

I've gotten into the habit of doing this, and I don't always remember to do it. But more and more, it becomes spontaneous and natural. When things are painful -- in any form -- when things are difficult, usually that in itself will remind me, just the quality of difficulty, the quality of struggle, or pain, or dissatisfaction, or unpleasantness. That itself will remind me to just have the simple thought: "Other people feel this."

Now that sounds so simplistic, maybe not all that important. But, believe me, it makes a big difference because what happens with pain is the sense of isolation get so strong, and the sense of our particular personal burden, and the loneliness of that, and the desperation of that. So this simple thought, which sometimes is quite challenging to people -- you say it but you don't quite believe it -- you think ... you're the only one. And I've had people, many times, say to me, "This pain that I feel, I think no one else in the world feels this." And then I can say to them with tremendous confidence: "Wrong."

But what is not wrong is that we do have that feeling often, that I am the only one that has this particular pain. So maybe it will be quite a challenge to you to say this and it might not seem genuine. But even that is beginning to shake up your complacency about pain being just your individual burden. It somehow shakes it up just to even contemplate that other people feel this...

Read the full article here: The Spirit of Tonglen

Doing tonglen practice took me out of my sense of aloneness which had a great deal to do with my ability to cope with whatever pain I was attempting to deal with. This article may have some ideas for you as well: Turning Toward Pain

I hope this period of painfulness passes soon for you.

~ Namaste

.

paddym22 · Jul 06, 2009, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loser37

Iam going to the store to buy some razors to cut myself with because iam a evil person and need to punish myself for being evil and i need to go deep this time i do not cut often or deep just enough to draw blood but this time i hope i go so deep i need stiches because i feel life is not worth it anymore the stuggling and the pain

37

We spoke this morning about this and we came to an agreement and now you want to break it. What will this gain 37 only hurt and pain for nothing. You are not an evil person and if you were an evil person the authorities would have dealt with you by now. You are hurting , whether this intense suffering is a result of your own behaviour or of uncontrollable environmental elements is irrelevant; suffering is suffering. You frequently voice that your life is is indeed a living hell and that may be valid, 37 the only solution is that YOU change your life.

Get involved, get a T and get a pdoc and start a recovery process, you cant always be posting that you are indeed going to hurt yourself, that is not fair on you and it is not fair on those, and there are many here that care about you. It would be most disappointing to them.

I dont for a second diminsh the pain you are experiencing but there are more effective and safe methods of confronting that pain than cutting a gash in your wrist which will lead you no where.

Getting help isnt easy and it takes commitment and trust, you can do that, and you will do that.

Now put going to the store out of your head and think of others ways in which you can now start to change to your life from negativity and pain to recovery and balance,

Fondest

Paddy

Jul 06, 2009, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paddym22

37

We spoke this morning about this and we came to an agreement and now you want to break it. What will this gain 37 only hurt and pain for nothing. You are not an evil person and if you were an evil person the authorities would have dealt with you by now. You are hurting , whether this intense suffering is a result of your own behaviour or of uncontrollable environmental elements is irrelevant; suffering is suffering. You frequently voice that your life is is indeed a living hell and that may be valid, 37 the only solution is that YOU change your life.

Get involved, get a T and get a pdoc and start a recovery process, you cant always be posting that you are indeed going to hurt yourself, that is not fair on you and it is not fair on those, and there are many here that care about you. It would be most disappointing to them.

I dont for a second diminsh the pain you are experiencing but there are more effective and safe methods of confronting that pain than cutting a gash in your wrist which will lead you no where.

Getting help isnt easy and it takes commitment and trust, you can do that, and you will do that.

Now put going to the store out of your head and think of others ways in which you can now start to change to your life from negativity and pain to recovery and balance,

Fondest

Paddy

you right i am in therapy the thought of hurting myself has passed i will not cut i promise i havent gone to the store yet and i will not sorry about uppsetting you please forgive me

paddym22 · Jul 06, 2009, 12:36 PM

37

You have done nothing to be sorry for, you have overcome an urge and now you can do it again and again, remember that, I am always about should you be in trouble

Well Done

Paddy