[Cthomas]

I am obviously a loser at whatever im dealt.

I lose all sense of reality of a daily basis. I dont go anywhere.

So....what makes me think stopping cutting is actually good?

Leaving work now. I just cant deal,.,,,,,,

[Miracle1986]

(((Colleen)))

[Sannah]

What's going on Colleen?

[Fuzzybear]

[jacq10]

(((((((((((Colleen)))))))))))
Please don't call yourself names... you are the furthest thing from a loser my friend.
Whats going on?

[rappacinisgarden]

(((coleen))) I just feel the same...

[Pup]

Do you see a T?

[Kiya]

Colleen, we do the best we can at any given moment. I just slipped up too. just now. but it was a moment, and now i can go on with the next moment - as can you. Talk to you as you talk to us in this forum - always with great respect and care. You are worth it. You already have enough pain -why add more with words?
(((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))))))

[Tumnus]

C, you've never been a loser in my eyes. A great champion for others, IMO.

[Cthomas]

Just seems like everytime something good happens, the rest falls to crap.

found money to save my house, but now have to justify how i spend to everybody around me, who are trying to "help"

Ive had help in the past, led me nowhere........But yet, im stubborn,and hard headed and wont accept help right?

Ive had issues spending in the past, now the bills get paid before anything else. I always was labeled the one who needs help, who cant make a go of it on her own.

Why bother trying if thats how they feel. Dammit, ive done well up to now. Ive kept my jobs, my house, why isnt that good enough. Why do people have to judge me.

I spend 10 dollars every other week at the dollar tree. thats my big spending spree.

Wow - Im just flippin money right out the window huh????

me

[Abby]

no you shouldn't be judged.

I always find that bad news/situations come along in 3s, a bit like buses...it is darn frustrating and irritating! And it is very, very difficult to stop self-destructive behaviour when we feel judged and critisised.

Take care of yourself because you deserve love and respect.
You are a good person.

But i wouldn't spend 10dollars at a dollar tree - i don't know what that is but it doesn't sound like a good deal to me! You're being short changed by 9dollars!

[Cthomas]

@kiya,
thank you so much for replying. You are so strong. in time you will see it. and as always a good friend.

@jacq, Sorry i havent written but as my post says im not in a good place just yet....working on it.

@tumnus.....keep talking......all flattery is taken happily

Thank you all.

@ Abby.....that made me smile..ok a chuckle...thanks!

[shezbut]

((((Cthomas)))))



Shez

[Kiya]

Tomorrow always has the potential to be better than today.

And everyone here is HOPING and BELIEVING that for you too

(((((((((((((Colleen)))))))))))))))))

[Cthomas]

Originally Posted by Kiya

Tomorrow always has the potential to be better than today.

And everyone here is HOPING and BELIEVING that for you too

(((((((((((((Colleen)))))))))))))))))

I dont know what I believe kiya, i feel like I should be happy as Ive accomplished keeping my home, but I feel like a failure in every other aspect. Like Im not deserving of people in my life.

Like I will never get above water.

Today is a bad bad day.

C

[Kiya]

Then i will have to just give you extra EXTRA hugs.

((((( * (((((( * (((((((COLLEEN)))))))) * ))))))) * )))))

[Cthomas]

I could use extra hugs right now. I always thought i was better than this.

Some days i dont think so. Today is one of them. All I want is side work to get ends to meet. and i cant even get those this weekend.

Diabetic living on pasta, might as well call it over. this is just plain hard and nuts. Its been clear over a year since ive cut and yet these feelings are still there. haunting me every day of my life. why do i stay away from it......

me

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by Cthomas

I could use extra hugs right now. I always thought i was better than this.
why do i stay away from it......

because some part of yourself IS better than this and IS stronger and wants something healthier for you.

In each moment, we do the BEST WE CAN at any given moment. Even if that "best" is higher or lower than our last best. Don't beat yourself up (easy for me to say, eh?) It is what it is. No point in judging it.

((((((((((((((((((YOU!!!!)))))))))))))))))))))

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Cthomas

Just seems like everytime something good happens, the rest falls to crap.

Alternative interpretation: There is a lot of crap. You are starting to pick up the pieces and right things. You successfully right some things while other things continue as they were. Your focus is on the pile that still needs work instead of what you have successfully accomplished. Working through this stuff is a slow process.

found money to save my house, but now have to justify how i spend to everybody around me, who are trying to "help"

Why do you have to justify or explain yourself to anyone??????

Ive had help in the past, led me nowhere........But yet, im stubborn,and hard headed and wont accept help right?

Ive had issues spending in the past, now the bills get paid before anything else. I always was labeled the one who needs help, who cant make a go of it on her own.

Why bother trying if thats how they feel. Dammit, ive done well up to now. Ive kept my jobs, my house, why isnt that good enough. Why do people have to judge me.

I spend 10 dollars every other week at the dollar tree. thats my big spending spree.

Wow - Im just flippin money right out the window huh????

These are their opinions. If you know better your opinion should be paramount not theirs.

..........

[Cthomas]

Thanks to all of you for the responses. and @sannah, you are right. My opinion IS paramount.

The fog is slowly lifting. I just need to keep going.

kiya, shez, all of you.....thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Its just a rough time I guess....

Colleen

[Kiya]

(((((((((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))))

[x_BabyG_x]

Col... I'm so sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment. All I can say to u is just don't punish yourself or blame yourself, for that will only put more pressure on you.
And there is something inside which tells you for a FACT that stopping cutting is good, for your benefit and for the others around you. we all know this is hard, its solid, and even jsut trying to give up is something that half of us will never be able to accomplish - having the strength to do that in the first place is always a good thing.

Whatever drags you down, always look towards the light. Even though in the darkest times, we may not be able to see the light. But just because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there

Hope you feel better soon

babyg x

[phoenix7]

How are you doing now? I hope things have improved for you and that you are feeling better , safer....

[Cthomas]

Baby G - thanks so much for the post and its really good to see you back.

@phoenix......thanks for checking in.

Still broke, paid taxes on house, but working for side jobs as much as possible. still feel unheard by people, still feel i need to justify myself. But getting better!

You all have a good weekend. Im going to try!

C

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Cthomas

still feel unheard by people, still feel i need to justify myself. But getting better!

Sounds like you are aware of what the issues are and you are working on them. This is very good! This is how I turned my issues around. If you are around people who don't want to listen maybe you should give them less of your time????????