I dont hide...

I sort of noticed something... well I knew it but never really gave much attention to it. I dont hid my scars. I cut in plane sight for all to see and I don't cover up. I am not ashamed of my cuts because I know why I cut and I'm not afraid of telling people why. And I often do when they ask about my cuts.

At times (have not done so yet) I feel like I would like to have someone watch me cut so they can see how much it helps me.

I just noticed it because in all of the threads I have seen on this site and even my friends who cut are ashamed and/or hide the harm they have done to themselves.

I wonder if this means anything.

ABE

I think that it is significant. Only you know what it means.........

I didn't hide mine when I first started. I think I secretly hoped someone would see and help me. Eventually, as they got worse I started to hide them more, mostly for fear of being fired or having applications rejected because of it.

I agree with this... I think it is the same for me.

I do feel ashamed in a way that it takes cutting to try and make me feel better when in the end I break down anyway and it doesn't really do what I need it to. And I have old scars that show no one asks but new ones I don't like to show as it shows I'm not stong enough to handle life without si.

i used to be a cutter in highschool. it is just a dramatic game that you play with yourself and get addicted to. I sincerely think people get addicted to their emotions, and get stuck in cycles of self obsession. wake up, the world is beautiful and every moment is there for you, you are the center in an infinite universe

Abrums,

I see what you are saying.......

My scars are a testament to my battles.......

They remind me of the struggle......

The potency of my past pain......

I wonder, if fundamentally, you feel the same?

My apologies if not......

Take good care.......

Michah

I don't really hide mine either, except for the deeper ones. If I do hide it, it's when I'm with family - I really don't want my grandmother to see my scars But I have a friend who just doesn't get it. He thinks all people who SI are suicidal. When I tried to explain the real reason for cutting, he denied it and just wouldn't listen. He says he's afraid to see my arm because of what I've done to myself. But when school starts again, I'm not going to hide it. Why should I have to? It just reminds me of what I went through and am still going through, and how far I've come even in the past 4 months.

Sorry about the rambling, it's just something I feel strongly about

Yea!,

(sorry for replying late but I was without internet on a beach house most of last week)

It isn't anything to be ashamed of in my opinion and of course it is different for different people depending on the situation but SI is something humans do to be normal again. I think it feels bad because it is something to be sad about. We endure inner pain and need some sort of comfort. When we cant receve that comfort we need to snap ourselves out of sadness.

I know I struggle with life and really only cut to get my mind off of suicide. By the way I am seeing a therapist now. She seams cool and has a dog in her office =D how awesome is that? I'm seeing her again tomorrow and she said that she can help me. She wasn't able to say much our first visit because I was telling her all about me and my trauma.

Funny thing this morning... don't know if it is a good thing or bad thing yet but I guess it helped me from SI. So, I was feeling suicidle and I started to get out the razor but I was thinking of recording myself. I got my camera out and flipped it on record and set it down. I struggle with the razor in hand and cry a lot and listen to music. I explain to the camera why I am about to cut and what I am feeling. That calmed me down enough to snap me out of it.

It is different because I normally go through all of the struggles and explain to "myself" why I will cut and what I feel but saying it to a camera is a bit different. Its almost like having someone there. Don't know if this will work with others nor do I know if it is consistent. I'll try again and see if it helps me with SI.

ABE

Abrums, I am so glad that you have a therapist!!!!!! Yah!!!!!!!! I am glad that you like her too!!!!!! I am also glad that you found a new strategy (camera)! Hey, the beach house sounds great! Hope you had a good time.........