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  #1  
Old Sep 07, 2009, 11:51 AM
darkpurplesecrets's Avatar
darkpurplesecrets darkpurplesecrets is offline
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Location: within another world not seen. built and silenced behind a wall of fear based strength......
Posts: 12,715
That is all I can say. I feel guilty and afraid. I feel like I will be judged and if someone finds out, I will no longer be accepted. They do not understand the pain. They do not understand what I am holding. They do not know what I am going through. A failure. That is what I am. Fighting for so long, but still.......................................................
..............................................................................................
..............................................................................................
............................................................................i am sorry.
Thanks for this!
ADHD1956

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  #2  
Old Sep 07, 2009, 12:18 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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You needed a way to cope DPS, that is all....... Still here with you.......
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #3  
Old Sep 07, 2009, 02:51 PM
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susan888 susan888 is offline
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Member Since: May 2009
Location: USA
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(((DPS)))

You are not a failure....you are still in there fighting and helping other people at the same time. You are good and wonderful and beautiful!!

Sending you hugs and good thoughts.
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[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC] Susan
  #4  
Old Sep 08, 2009, 05:49 AM
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darkpurplesecrets darkpurplesecrets is offline
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Location: within another world not seen. built and silenced behind a wall of fear based strength......
Posts: 12,715
((((Sannah))))

Thank you. I love you friend.

((((Susan888))))

Thank you my friend for your support and understanding. I love you.

dps
Thanks for this!
Sannah
  #5  
Old Sep 08, 2009, 02:55 PM
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dance59326 dance59326 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 352
(((((((((darkpurplesecrets)))))))))))
It's ok, everyone makes mistakes and everyone gets emotional. I hope that you are doing better today. Have you talked with your therapist yet??? If you need to vent, please do. I hoep that you are doing better today.
Hugs
dance59326
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"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown

"To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"
Thich Nhat Hanh

  #6  
Old Sep 08, 2009, 05:02 PM
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kaytibear kaytibear is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 149
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets View Post
That is all I can say. I feel guilty and afraid. I feel like I will be judged and if someone finds out, I will no longer be accepted. They do not understand the pain. They do not understand what I am holding. They do not know what I am going through. A failure. That is what I am. Fighting for so long, but still.......................................................
..............................................................................................
..............................................................................................
............................................................................i am sorry.
Dps,
When one is learning to walk one falls down numerous times but eventually learns to do it. SI I think is like this because at least for myself I kept falling down and had a hard time getting up (all that shame etc) but once I learned how to get up I kept trying until I no longer SI . You fell down. Now you need to learn to get up. I don't think you are a failure. You are very articulate with your words and obviously very bright. It might be time to enter treatment or if you are in treatment meet with your pdoc and tell him/her about the difficulties you are having. Things can get better than this. This is just one bad thing . I am sure with time , the proper care and support you will get better.
  #7  
Old Sep 08, 2009, 05:42 PM
white_iris
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Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets View Post
That is all I can say. I feel guilty and afraid. I feel like I will be judged and if someone finds out, I will no longer be accepted. They do not understand the pain. They do not understand what I am holding. They do not know what I am going through. A failure. That is what I am. Fighting for so long, but still.......................................................
..............................................................................................
..............................................................................................
............................................................................i am sorry.
(((((((DPS)))))))
the line that really stood out to me is "They do not understand what I am holding. "
For me that was the key that helped me "what I was holding"--couldn't let go of........
the secrets and the holding of them was very harmful to me. the tighter i held on, the worse it got.
couldn't say the words
couldn't express them
just held the memories and the feelings...
did get treatment when i got to the end of my rope
so bound by "don't tell..."
Once i finally DID tell, did talk, did open the door
it slowly got better.
what worked was to write a letter to my T
(ripped up a few dozen in the process....)
once she understood and knew she was able to help.
able to listen
able to help work out a plan

Just my thoughts
  #8  
Old Sep 09, 2009, 12:53 AM
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Lost71 Lost71 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Uk...when i'm on planet Earth :p *hugs*
Posts: 1,185
((((((((DPS)))))))) ...you are such a special person who help so many of us here. Please don't be so hard on yourself, friend. Please save some of the love, care and understanding you give us all for yourself.

I Love You ((((((((DPS))))))))
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