Doesn't make sense...

fallenangel337 · Oct 13, 2009, 10:06 PM

My cutting does not make any sense in the least. I cut when I'm feeling too much, I cut when I'm not feeling enough... I cut when I need some kind of familiarity, yet I'm trying so hard to give it up...why? I love it and I hate it... It makes no sense to me...

Miracle1986 · Oct 13, 2009, 10:08 PM

(((((fallen)))))
I completely understand.

Sannah · Oct 14, 2009, 07:30 AM

Could the common factor in all of these still be stressors??? If you cut when you aren't feeling enough could this be just stuffing your feelings? Is needing familiarity just needing comfort?????

fallenangel337 · Oct 14, 2009, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

Could the common factor in all of these still be stressors??? If you cut when you aren't feeling enough could this be just stuffing your feelings? Is needing familiarity just needing comfort?????

It's not really about stuffing feelings...it's more of the inability to feel them in any sense of the word. The familiarity is absolutely needing comfort. What's more comforting than something that is familiar to you? It's a messed up cycle.

Sannah · Oct 14, 2009, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallenangel337

it's more of the inability to feel them in any sense of the word.

While growing up were you allowed your feelings?

_embrace · Oct 14, 2009, 01:59 PM

I totally understand. I cut for all of those reasons too. I tell myself that it doesn't make sense because it isn't a "rational"/healthy behaviour. Things like that don't always make sense...they just are, and we have to deal with them as best we can.

Abby · Oct 14, 2009, 02:44 PM

Actually fallenangel it makes a lot of sense to me! I don't just cut when i'm down and sad or angry, i cut when i feel overwhelmed with anything, yep even happiness. It is to gain a sense of control i think. And i cut when i feel nothing too, especially when i'm zoned out and my mind just thinks 'mmm...ok', it is strange often i can be in the middle of SH'ing before realising that i am and suddenly i'm like 'eh?!'. And yeh i understand the familiarity reasoning, i will cut as a reward sometimes, e.g if i've gotten through a stressful day or something similar i'll give myself the right to cut because it helps. This makes no sense to me either because why couldn't i reward myself with a bath or chocolate etc but it feels comfortable. Have you SH'ed for a long time, sometimes i think my mind has set itself into a bad pattern because i can watch tv and if i see a scene where someone is upset sometimes i do think - 'why don't they just go away and cut instead of getting so distraught?'. I know that sounds daft but it actually makes a lot of sense to me personally because that is what helps me. Obviously i don't advocate SH in real life though! So don't worry you're not alone in feeling none of it makes sense!!

fallenangel337 · Oct 14, 2009, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

While growing up were you allowed your feelings?

Most often, not really. I was always told to "get over it," and basically told that I was acting irrational for feeling a certain way about something.