Not Again......

For the first time in almost a month, I find myself crying. Crying tears of pain, guilt, anger and frustration. I SI'ed for the first time in about 3 weeks. The pain I feel is overwhelming. So many things bring pain. I feel guilt because of what I've done. I'm angry at what I did, and it's so stupid to do this to myself. I'm frustrated because I don't want this to be what seemed to be a normal behavior for me a few years ago. I'm also scared for anyone to see it. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to tell anyone how I'm feeling.

Thanks for listening.....

What can we do to help, BeautifullyMistaken?

Sadly--I have no idea. The only person who knew about my SI is gone. And I don't think I'm at any 'comfort levels' with anyone else to tell them about it. I'm appreciative of any advice, thoughts, similar stories etc. Thanks!

Are you in therapy?

Perhaps this site may help: http://www.vinland.org/scamp/institute/dsh.html

What brought about the intense feelings that led to the SI?

Sannah-- Nope, No therapy for me. I've thought about it, but for many reasons I haven't gone through with it.

Byzantine--Thanks for the link. They mention some fairly good stuff on that site. I like to hear similar stories and different opinions on things.

Bill-- Many, Many different things. Just been having a rough time the past week or so and don't/didn't have anyone to talk to. The frustration and sadness was/is just to overwhelming I suppose.

Thanks Everyone.

I'm sorry that you have been so overwhelmed without anyone to talk to. Would you consider calling a telephone listening line? I found Contact USA listening centers in Ohio at:

1-800-755-9010 (Bucyrus)
1-740-383-2273 (Marion)
1-330-393-1565 (Trumbull County)

and you can always call 1-800-273-TALK.

I've thought about it. Just makes me nervous that anyone I talk to with think I'm suicidal (which I'm not) and try to get other people involved. I might just give therapy/group therapy a try...though I'm nervous to go through that again. I went before and had a friend go with me but we're no longer communicating. Wish I had some sort of support to go into the situation with, but I guess I can try alone. Thanks Bill.

Why would they think this then?

Yah!!! We will support you through it.......

You're welcome.

I would love to hear how things go if you do decide to try therapy/group therapy.

i feel for you !

What I do when I feel Like I need to do something to myself is get a pen and draw- use up all the negative nergy in a safe way. =) I know that can be tough thing to do but if you try it if you can channele that energy it might be a good start to recovery! =)

I usually try to channel my energy writing. But sometimes I can't even think and then it spirals downward from there.

I finally called the psych department my pdoc referred me to. Now just waiting for them to call back & give me an appointment date.

Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad to hear about the psych department. If you willing, please let us know how it goes.

Best wishes to you!

Ugh...Not good news at all! Finally heard back from the hospital. They asked some questions; medication, previous therapy, diagnosis, sleep pattern, suicidal thoughts/attempts, weight loss/gain etc. I'm not currently on meds cause they made me feel like complete crap and couldn't eat for the 3 days I did take em. Said they'll mail me a letter and I have to call in May to make an appointment to see a psychologist in June! This is going to be virtually impossible to wait 6 excruciating months. I'm not enjoying this downward spiral that I'm stuck in. I've already implemented the isolation phase which leaves people questioning me on what's bothering me. Don't know how much longer I can say "I'm fine" before I completely crack.

Take a look here: http://www.mh.state.oh.us/getting-treatment/

There are a number of places to call to see if assistance is available to you. Good luck.

Oh, gosh, what a disappointment, that would be a long time to wait. I'm sorry.

Perhaps TheByzantine's information can be helpful.

Thanks for the link Byzantine. Not sure how much help some of the places will be cause I don't have health insurance. I was thinking about contacting the MCT (Mobile Crisis Team) and see if they know of any support groups or some place I can get into before 6 months without insurance. I know that NAMI has group therapy sessions that are open to the public free of charge.

Last night was rough. Had a friend come over so I can give her a Christmas present. We were drinking a bit and just chatting and I didn't realize I had my sleeve up and she noticed my cuts. I'm always very meticulous about covering them. Now I'm extremely nervous....

Thanks for the advice guys and gals. I appreciate it. Enjoy the Holidays!!

I would get on that wait list anyway while you continue to look at other options.........

Sannah - I'm deff. waiting on the list. If I have to wait 6 months, I will. Still looking for alternative options until June as well. Thanks! Merry Christmas.

Good luck.