[Katileena]

...because why should I care? I just cut again, what's the point in any of it...even people who are suppose to help me just turn their backs. F*** it. No point in stopping, what if I want to cut to the point of nothing, what's anyone gonna do about it? I prob won't, but the thought is there and waiting, waiting for the day I get the nerve to finally do it.

[Mike_J]

You should care becase you are important, it doens't matter what others think. We have all had people turn their backs on us, just PLEASE don't turn your back on yourself.

[Sannah]

It was your choice to cut. Don't pass the buck.

[NuckingFutz]

If you SI, and something were to happen, there would be a lot of very upset people!

[Katileena]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

It was your choice to cut. Don't pass the buck.

What does this mean exactly?

[Katileena]

My thoughts are just this: if I want to cut, if the need is there, then nothing anyone does to try and stop me will actually stop me, I will eventually cut, just like any addict, no one can help us stop, we have to want to stop. I want to stop, but my need for cutting sometimes outweighs my want to stop. What I really need help with is my self-esteem, my self-image. I need to be able to like me, and like my life. If that's possible, then the cutting will stop, because I won't need it anymore. Life, however, is complicated, and although I want help, it seems every obstacle is placed in front of me to not get it. I was going to be able to go back on my parents insurance because the state of Wisconsin changed the law allowing children up to age 27 to be on the family health insurance, but now I find out that when I get put on my parents insurance they will not cover any pre-existing condition for 18 months. Which means my little hospital visit due to some depression episodes have now doomed me from getting the help I need and deserve. Awesome huh? Greedy insurance companies just make me sick; I get so, so angry, and then I want to take out that anger and aggression on myself.

Anyway, I felt like ranting on this a little more. And on top of this ****** economy, me trying to find a job, and not being able to get some form of health insurance to seek out therapy, my dad is having back surgery tomorrow. Blah...in my experience, I've learned when **** happens, life likes to pile it on extra thick, just to see us squirm.

[AShadow721]

Katileena, have you tried Medicaid? Since you are not working, I assume you don't have income, so you definitely qualify for it. It is free, but for people over 21, you usually have to pay like 2 dollars co-pay. You can usually print a form out from your state's DHS site, or apply at your local DHS office. If that doesn't work out, there are sliding scale places at least in my state that accept uninsured individuals. They're therapy sessions are usually free. And medications are greatly discounted to $2 a month, if they are not free also. There is help for people like you, you just have to find it. I wish I was told so much sooner about the resources that are available. I would have had mine a long time ago. Also, I'm sure there is a number in the front of your phone book that you can call for information with assistance for everything. You really need to get started in therapy before you look for a job. Some mental health problems are really debilitating and make it hard for you to work. Anyway, your signature is so beautiful. I love what it says. I hope you can feel better. I hope this information is helpful to you and you can find what you need.

Here you can find mental health providers in Wisconsin that accept sliding scale. I hope you can find one in your area. http://www.mhawisconsin.org/_applica...ch/default.asp

[Sannah]

Yeah Kati, I agree with you that people who SI need understanding so that they can figure out how to stop. People making comments that aren't helpful...... just aren't helpful.

Have you looked into your local government mental health care?

I actually come from the mind set that life isn't supposed to be easy. Some Americans in the 1950's started that fantasy because of our post war economic boom. It wasn't meant to last. Who said life was supposed to be easy? Life can still be fulfilling, though. Please don't take my words to mean that life sucks because I don't believe that at all. I just take a life's difficulty as just another bump in the road that needs to be overcome and just about everything can be overcome...........