[Morgi]

Hi there,

I used to mildly self harm as a teenager but managed to get out of the cycle and was left with only one tiny scar. Jump forward 7 years to new years eve, there was a lot of tension, and of course plus alcohol I ended up slashing my left leg with broken glass. I thought this was just a blip and avoided alcohol for a couple of weeks to make sure I was in control and understood where the feelings were coming from. I managed a couple of nights out with no serious problems, but this Friday it happened again...and I'll now be avoiding tank tops until at least April.

I'm not sure why this has started again, it doesn't happen every time I have a night out, but the problem is I can't remember what triggered it either time. My friends have suggested a counsellor but I'm not really up for it. Don't really know where to go from here!

There seems to be a connection between alcohol and cutting. Is the alcohol the reason you are unable to remember the trigger? Stopping the drinking might allow you to manage the cutting. It will not address the underlying issues that get triggered. There is no easy way to deal with it.

Why are you not up for getting professional help? The issues you are dealing with are unlikely to simply go away. Why not do the work to get better?

[Sannah]

Therapy sounds like an excellent idea.........

[Morgi]

I don't know I honestly don't think it's serious enough for therapy, plus I can't really afford it

I'm def stopping any excessive drinking, cancelled a planned weekend away just in case it ended badly. I know it's a control issue, just a very unhealthy way of dealing with it.

[Sannah]

SI is serious enough for therapy. There are government clinics and places that provide sliding scale fees...........

How are you doing, Morgi?

[Morgi]

Varying I guess, felt really good the other day but a bit down again today, haven't SI'd again but definitely thought about it. Getting a new piercing on Sat as that is at least a healthy and safe way of putting holes in myself. Still avoiding alcohol, or spending time alone, I know I'll feel better soon.

Please let us know how you are doing.

[paintingravens]

Agreed.
((((((((((Morgi)))))))))))

[Morgi]

Thanks guys

Feeling a lot better, had a great chat with a close friend last night which helped a lot. Tonight is the test though as I'm going out, I have plans in place though. For one I will be drinking very little, I've also been invited to a dinner on Sunday and I know if I freak out tonight then I won't be able to go so I'll be focusing on that. Finally if it does all start going wrong there is plentiful amounts of ice I'll grab and try to calm down.

Staying positive, I just need to get some confidence back, a little bit apprehensive but fingers crossed.

Good for you. Please let us know how it went.

[Sannah]

Yes, can't wait to hear how it went..........

[Morgi]

Good news! I had a really good night

I paced myself, and made sure I was in control all night and it felt great.

I know this is just the first step, the thoughts are still there and I still haven't exactly pinpointed the trigger that set me off last time but I really needed last night to go well so I'm pleased it did.

Yay, you!

A day at a time. A step at a time.

[Morgi]

You're so right TheByzantine. I think I forget that, like last weekend I was *so* low, it was terrible. I just need to remember that these feelings are temporary and I can get through it! I think I also need to remember that even though I feel good now this doesn't mean the problem has gone away, one day at a time.

[paintingravens]

YAY!!! You are AWESOME!!!!

[jennaorgana]

i haven't read all of the responses, so again, sorry if i repeat anything already said!

self injury, like any real addiction or coping mechanism, can be reused once "opened." maybe on new years when you first injured again, you realized that hey, this works! i feel better! maybe this is a good coping skill.

obviously there was a failure in healthy communication within yourself, but maybe you subconsciously enjoyed it and put it in your "tool box" to use later.

again, these are just my personal theories based on my own personal experiences. i hope you are feeling even better since yesterday!

[Sannah]

Yay!!!!!..

[Morgi]

Ugh we've gone downhill again! Came back last night and smashed a shot glass, I rang a friend afterwards just to chat to try and distract but I don't know what to do!

[angie2716]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better for you. I know I have to do it one day at a time myself. I'm new to this so if you ever need to talk or anything I can try to help. I know I don't have anyone around me I can talk to about this stuff cause no one knows. So I come here to talk about it. I wish you luck.

Learn from it and put it behind you.

Good luck.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Morgi

I just need to remember that these feelings are temporary and I can get through it! I think I also need to remember that even though I feel good now this doesn't mean the problem has gone away, one day at a time.

..........