I want to end this pain. (Venting and Triggering)

Well, I'll be hopping from one idea from another so sorry if this is confusing. It is venting after all. /:


I have pure hate for my brother right now. I actually thought he was going to help me with my depression. He talked to me about it and said that he could tell my parents if I wanted to. And as you can probably tell, I was over joyed because he usually is saying hurtful things to me and harming me physically. But after I had felt so secure when I fell asleep that night, when I woke up the next morning my brother wanted me to clean up his room, I told him that he should do it himself but he then pulled out his cell phone and showed me that he had been video taping last night when he talked to me, with his cell phone. He threatened that he would show the video to my parents if I didn't clean his room. Being scared that he would actually do that I cleaned up his room and afterwards he smiled and said "This will be some good blackmail." I am so pissed off!! I want to scream! After he showed me that I went off into my room and began to cut myself. There was so much pain in me. Right when I thought he was going to help me for once in my life, he completely ruined everything and now has something to blackmail me with forever -- not that he already does have other things to blackmail me with like harming me or blaming something on me. Ugh! I hate this and I want to stop cutting but my brother has set me back far away from my goal because of this. And I never saw the counselor, I can't bring myself to actually do it. I still hate myself for this and I can't stop cutting myself as a punishment. Right when no one was in the house I ran to my room to scream but that's when my dad came home and I couldn't. At least every day I get blamed for something good I try to do so I've given up on being "good". I feel horrible, and the pain won't end. It seems to stick there forever. And the boy I liked a lot breaking my heart only made all of this worse. I can't stand this anymore..!!!

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I'm sorry your brother did that to you. I wish I knew what I could tell you to maybe help you but I can't really talk since I do it myself. I am here for you if you want to talk though. I can at least do that.

How do you think your parents will react if you tell them? You may get the help you need. Importantly too, you no longer will have to deal with your brother's betrayal

Yeah, if you tell your parents the blackmail is gone or call his bluff and tell him to show your parents...........