[LyDiaHate]

Hey
Last night i went to Hospital to Have stitches with my freind I felt really bad and light headed it was bleeding real bad so after they would not let me leave until my dad came because im 15 and it was self harm and i was acting strange apparently....: S but i wanted to leave so i was carying and going real mad so they held me down >: ( It was horrible .I Have also been forcing myself to think about things crawling on my leg and i poured kettle water on my arm in front of my dad while laughing ?????
Last week but in hospital i could not even remember all of it : S I am going to get sectioned i know it...But i dont even care. Nothing is even phasing me One minute im crying and screaming and being real horrible and the next minute im laughing real bad at nothing and my Dad is so worried he was almost crying talking to my Therapist...But i dont care im actually real Happy and all i care about it what i look like sometimes i laugh when i self harm i laugh at the blood and how deep it is and then i start crying and sometimes i dont even remember.
My therapist wants me to take meds but i never will >: ( Ever.
I really dont know what is going to Happen to me ...and im not even worried .
I think im getting much much worse and i dont even care.But. I know this is all wrong and i think im really losing it and i dont want to be like my mum was or for people to think im mad i dont know what to do. I feel nobody can help me .

[Sannah]

Lydia, you need to stop and take control here.............