please help

Update: I'm still free.

Wow, that took me a whole 1 second to read, please refrain from typing so much next time, Emma. I really struggled to get my head around all that explanative and incredibly descriptive text. *smirks*

By the way, I'm really, really glad you're still free, but you know that, of course; I just don't want people to think I'm as much a heartless bastard as I make out I can be.

Real Update:

I'm struggling. It's getting to the point where I don't care anymore. When I start thinking about SI, there's nothing there. Nothing saying 'don't do it'. There's not even anything saying 'do it'. So I'm completely confused.

Currently, I'm pissed off to the highest level. I want to scream. I want to chain smoke. I want to do things I haven't done in a long time.

Nevermind. My mind is currently screaming at me to do it.

Did you look into government supported therapy?

I did, but then realized me doing that, would mean having to tell my parents, and that's a big no-no.

First step in healing is admitting you need help. You've begun that ... but leaving your parents out of the mix is not going to work, imo. It's hard, sure, but remember you don't have to tell them the why you do self harm (if you really know the why) so tell them that's why you need to talk to someone about it. Good wishes.

Why is telling your parents a big no-no?

because the way they handled it last time drove me crazy. my parents think im fine now, and id like to keep it that way. i dont like opening up to them at all.

What did they do last time that drove you crazy?

As I recall what FF has told me: they kept insisting on regular checks to see she wasn't doing it, and generally really making things difficult. I don't personally think it's particularly helpful, TBH; you can take the pub away from the alcoholic, but they'll still be an alcoholic. Since FF's not actually doing it anymore, I'd say telling them would only make things worse.