[MonarkWing]

I've started cutting. When I was younger I've always wondered what cutting did to siolve anything. I still ask that question, but now everytime I get real upset I just grab out a knife and hack away. Today I cut too deep and I bled, so I covered it with a bandade, I gotta go now, type later.

[Christina86]

MonarkWing, are you seeking any help to deal with this? Check out the pinned topics in the forum - things to do instead of SIng and try to slowly implement more healthy coping mechanisms instead of reverting to cutting to deal with stuff. (It is hard though!)

[puzzclar]

Its hard but it is worth it, for onec you give it up, your life gets a bit better. But it's tough, I won't suggar coat it.

[thine_self_untrue]

Does it solve anything? Not that I can tell.

It doesn't "fix" what made me feel bad enough to do it in the first place.

It doesn't even satisfy the sick urges to really, really hurt myself.

I can't even SI well enough. :P Sad.

[findingmy_self95]

SI might solve the issue, but only for the moment. I'd talk to your mom or someone close to you to help you cope. Cutting is hard to stop and almost impossible, you are pretty much a cutter for life. It can become an addiction and has happened to me, were I became addicted. Your best option is to seek help, from a friend, relative or doctor soon. Hope all is well <3

[brainclutter]

Monarkwing,

I was like you once. I used to have a real problem with SI. I have numerous scars on my arms and abdomen to prove it. I couldn't find any other way to release the pain I felt inside from being sexually abused by my grandfather as a young child and then raped as a college student by a so-called friend. So, I started cutting. By slicing myself, I was able to quantify the pain I felt inside and was able to see the new blood and could see the source of the pain (the new pain) and it somehow helped make the old pain easier to bear for a brief moment. Or so I thought. All it did really was leave me with ugly scars that I have to hide so no one can see them. It took years of therapy to truly recover, not only from the abuse but. from the SI as well. I still have the urge to cut but I release it in other ways less damaging ways.

Have you tried seeing someone? A counselor, therapist? Priest? Talk to someone, please. SI doesn't stop the pain. It doesn't solve the problems. It only makes the problems worse by adding to them. I hope you can find someone to help you find peace and help you overcome your cutting as well as work through whatever is causing you to do it as well. I'll be praying for you.