its so hard

El-ahrairah · Jul 25, 2010, 10:58 AM

i want to so bad right now, i need to say this because its the only way i can vent.
i feel no one cares, they only care about themselves, no one ever cared or bothered to listen so why am i still surprised when i get hurt????

i want to give up and relive myself so bad but i cant.
i feel its all my fault why couldnt i have acted more normal? why do i have to be so different and stupid i cant do anything

leegin · Jul 25, 2010, 11:01 AM

hey there... im mara. Im sorry your feeling so down. truely. I am not feeling great myself today... feels like a spiral when im alone sometimes...but try to awknowledge something else...at least less serious... if you dont laugh...you cry right.? i dont know... is there anything that can make you smile????

Jul 25, 2010, 11:10 AM

(((((((The Bakery)))))))

First off, you are NOT stupid. You are a wonderful person, although I know it's sometimes hard to see that, especially when we're feeling bad.

Now, I'm not sure how your private life is, how your family or friends are, but I can safely say that we here at PC care about you a lot, and I'm really glad you've decided to post and talk about how you feel.

Please don't give in to your urges to SI, I think you know that it's a negative coping skill and it won't benefit you in the long run. Do you have any activities you enjoy that you could do to keep yourself busy? Exercise, read a book, write in your journal, knitting, anything to keep your hands and your mind busy.

I hope you are feeling better soon, and I hope you'll keep us posted on how you're feeling.

El-ahrairah · Jul 25, 2010, 11:25 AM

ty <33333 im talking to a good friend of mine right now and it's keeping me distracted and helping me feel a little better <33333333
thanks so much ;o;

KeepHoldingOn · Jul 25, 2010, 01:42 PM

Bakidy-

I’m glad to know you’re doing better and are able to talk to someone.
Have you tried doodling or your art to distract yourself at all?

Jul 25, 2010, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Bakery

i want to so bad right now, i need to say this because its the only way i can vent.
i feel no one cares, they only care about themselves, no one ever cared or bothered to listen so why am i still surprised when i get hurt????

i want to give up and relive myself so bad but i cant.
i feel its all my fault why couldnt i have acted more normal? why do i have to be so different and stupid i cant do anything

Awwwwh.
i know new and all but i care, and ill always listen to you if you want

i know those same feelings and although i dont really have advice, i want you to know im here for you.

please dont give up and try talking to someone, or maybe vent and explain what you feel is all your fault....? im sorry youre hurting right now

Willlow <3

googley · Jul 25, 2010, 03:39 PM

((((((Bakery))))))

We care about you. We don't want you to hurt yourself! I know it is really hard. You are awesome. Remember that!

Sannah · Jul 26, 2010, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Bakery

i feel no one cares, they only care about themselves, no one ever cared or bothered to listen

I am sorry. I was also in this position. I had a Narcissistic mother who never paid any attention and then I got used to it and continued to set up my relationships in the same fashion so that I still wouldn't get any attention. Therapy helped me to come to terms with my mother and it helped me to see what I was doing which kept me in this pattern.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Bakery

i feel its all my fault why couldnt i have acted more normal? why do i have to be so different and stupid i cant do anything

You are the way that you are because of what you have experienced. It sounds like you didn't get the attention that you needed to develop completely in a functioning way. You can, however, continue your development at any time. I did a lot of my development between the ages of 25 and 45.

Do you have a therapist?

El-ahrairah · Jul 26, 2010, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leegin

hey there... im mara. Im sorry your feeling so down. truely. I am not feeling great myself today... feels like a spiral when im alone sometimes...but try to awknowledge something else...at least less serious... if you dont laugh...you cry right.? i dont know... is there anything that can make you smile????

I don't know, sometimes my bf can make me smile and sometimes nothing can. I guess I have to try to make my own self happy. ;c

El-ahrairah · Jul 26, 2010, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeepHoldingOn

Bakidy-

I’m glad to know you’re doing better and are able to talk to someone.
Have you tried doodling or your art to distract yourself at all?

<3333 I did some xie yi paintings a while ago, but it felt empty. I guess I haven't been too creative lately and my newer stuff even feels a bit forced and unsatisfying. -sigh-

El-ahrairah · Jul 26, 2010, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Sannah: I am sorry. I was also in this position. I had a Narcissistic mother who never paid any attention and then I got used to it and continued to set up my relationships in the same fashion so that I still wouldn't get any attention. Therapy helped me to come to terms with my mother and it helped me to see what I was doing which kept me in this pattern.

;[

As a kid all I would do is go to sitters and when I was in school I was bullied a lot ;___; So I have very bad self esteem and constantly crave attention and love... it's driving me crazy.

Quote:

You are the way that you are because of what you have experienced. It sounds like you didn't get the attention that you needed to develop completely in a functioning way. You can, however, continue your development at any time. I did a lot of my development between the ages of 25 and 45.

Do you have a therapist?

I sure didn't and when I did it was negative... I don't have one, I had an online one here but she decided to disappear forever without even telling me... I can't really afford one because I don't have insurance anymore...