RE: Borderline Train wreck from relationships and communication section..moved

Suicide or self injurious behavior ,a common feature of BPD....is one of the center features on the list you find in regard to atypical borderline.The suicide rate is around 1/10 of those with the disorder.'Cutting' or behavior that is self destructive to the body ie, burning the self,rubberband snapping>.< <-----(a personal thing when trying not to let loved ones be aware of my pain,cause I hate the effect of my actions) burning with candle wax....among other things ...though it is not a self harm thing(in my book) is also a mechanism I have employed to 'feel' at the level I require.(due to a need associated with derealization or IDK I just ...need more to feel than others do.)O.o(dam I feel nekked atm)Um...soooo...... Anyways,alot is related to depression ,stress(which I CAN'T take out on others generally)...feeling vulnerable to inner pain is a serious trigger for me.I DO NOT want to allow myself to feel.....on the soul level...re:heartache. There are shifts between anger/anxiety...or depression/anxiety.I wish I didnt walk away from this so much but I am trying to not get overwhelmed.This used to be considered to be related to schizophrenia.....is now more like an emotional dysregulation and instability and entails dissociation.Paranoid schizophrenic ideation is one of 9 criteria...What does that mean?Do I really want to keep learning?(had to do >.<) Who can stay in the body? akk...NUFF