[hopefully21]

Why is it people don't understand S.I. its not for attention; irriated at my mother. She says talk to me tell me when you have urges and the first time I try to tell her she flys off the handle. Like I don't have to tell her anything I am not a child I am 21 yrs old, but her being concerned I thought I would give her a chance. Are people afraid of it or don't know what to make of it. My mother said its just hard for her to accept, but thats the thing I am not saying accept it I am not saying it is okay for me to do this. All I want her to do is listen, why is it so hard for people to listen. I know she means well, but saying things like "its a cop out" and blah blah really hurts. Honestly who wants to keep doing this, its hard to stop. Trying and keep failing ugh. I just wish to be understood. And she wonders why I don't open up to her or to anybody in that matter. She can't understand this, but she can understand my struggle with e.d. what the hell is the difference both are still self destructive and hard to break free from. ugh I just need a hug. Irriated frusturated upset sad too many emotions to count

[racee]

when people don't understand things they usually react to situations in a bad way, they become frightened than they become helpless than mad. it's quite normal for people to do this. i constantly have to seek people out who understand because my partner nor family understand a lot of things i gi through and they make me feel like it's not important. a few days after meeting my partner he saw that i SI and it's been one of those elephant in the room deal where we just don't talk about it everyonce in awhile he will see cuts on my arm or bloody towel blood on my clothes and once it was bad and he helped with the stitches (yes i did my own stitches when it got really bad) and my whole family knows but we don't talk about it. and back in the day when you hurt yourself they would put you in the hospital and they wouldn't let me out. they found out in treatment i was doing that then i got shipped off to the state!

i don't have urges quite anymore but there is no one to talk to about it. and it was always taboo to be talked about. i'm glad that it is out in the open now and more people talk about it, but with that said i notice that people are not taken seriously because off this also! i am sorry she doesn't listen. my expierence is not to try and open up that line of communication and talk to people here or somewhere where you are understood.

i am here if you need to talk you can pm me but i still feel weird talking about it in a forum. i still feel like it's a taboo subject. your post just really touched my heart

"you don't fully know and can't quite comprehen until you have gone through it yourself"

[Detia]

It is hard for a lot of people to understand, the thing that might be hardest is perspective... Or the idea that a loved one is getting hurt. No one likes to hear that someone they care about is being hurt by someone else. It is easier to be mad at some shmuck hurting your sister. But what if your sister is hurting herself? Then it might make it that much harder to cope with for those that don't understand.

What they don't always realize is that they should listen to what has been hurting you emotionally or whatnot, and try to console you on that. They might get too fixated on the SI and get stuck because they have no idea what to say.No one has really equipped them to know what to say.

I hope things get better with your mom hopefully, and I hope things get better with your loved ones too, Racee.

[hopefully21]

thx its just hard to grab this concept of people and maybe its not meant for me to educate inform teach them, I've tried and tried again and haven't succeeded they say they understand but they don't and maybe it is because they can't help me and it comes across them being angry IDK and it obliviously hurts them because I am hurting. Who knows......

[Sannah]

Hopefully, you are SI ing because you didn't learn how to deal with your emotions in a healthy way and this learning didn't happen because of your parents. Parents don't teach because of their problems. You write that your mother "flys off the handle" when you tell her things and I'll bet that this always happened and it affected you greatly. Our parents usually don't change (unless they are working on it in therapy) so for you to wish and try to change her would be very frustrating.

When I first heard of SI as a social work student I was perplexed and the explanations that were available 15 years ago were not adequate at all. I have been able to understand it over the last 5 years by asking people why they do it and finally gaining info from others in the mental health field who have expertise. So the understanding of it does not come naturally.