dammit

Felt so down and out last night, that I put my poor body and liver through the agony of a few pills too many.
Feel emotionally and physically worse off. I have no idea how I could have stopped myself. At least it was in 'moderation', right.

depending on what "a few pills too many means" and what you think "moderation" is.

Hey,

I'm sorry that you had a hard night. We all have those once in awhile, and sometimes we make the wrong decisions. We've all done something like this that we shouldn't have before. The important thing is that you realize this wasn't a good thing, and that you come up with a better strategy to deal with your emotions next time things started feeling the same way that they did. You are stronger than what you did, and there are far better alternative. I hope you start to feel better soon.

I'm glad that you are okay, though. Your appt. is today?

feeling better, but had to sleep most of yesterday. See T in 26 hours. Feel bad about what I did - I think I wanted some tangible, physical pain, instead of just emotional pain

(((((sugahorse)))))
Try not to feel bad about it, believe me I've done the same thing several times and thinking of it as being a mistake and leaving it in the past (very recent past yes, but you know what I mean I hope) helps with feeling bad about it.
I hope you feel better soon, physically and emotionally.

just wish I had better coping mechanisms - not even sure what I'm hoping to achieve. Or why I can't be rational and talk myself out of it

it happens suga good to see your still around to see your beautiful country

managed to tell T, and she was calm about it.
i thought she'd be more upset.
maybe she wants to gain my trust, to be able to help me
don't know
think i may have drug induced (hypo)mania...not sure which just yet
and not sure how i feel about that either
thanks for your support, and for reading

Because with this you are dealing with feelings and feelings are not rational. To deal with feelings you need to deal with your feelings. Untangle them, talk about them, feel them, and problem solve them.

this is a case of letting your rational mind rule your emotional actions

Good luck...... It's easier to deal with your emotions. This is the root of your distress.

Easier to deal with my emotions??? This is the part I'm finding so difficult.

Is SI something that you can start over time? e.g. I SI by taking meds I know are going to make me feel terrible, that are going to put strain on me physically, and that have the potential to do serious damage.

Can this get more extreme? (More tablets, more frequent)... Or is it possible that over time you change your method of SI?
I ask this because sadly the concept is growing on me more and more. My logical mind has stopped me from cutting, and at times it's even managed to stop me from ODing. But can I always rely on this?

I guess it is our perspectives. I never minded dealing with my emotions but really, in the end, dealing with them gets you to a point where you don't have to cope anymore because by dealing with your emotions you are working with your body the way it was designed. By not working with your emotions you are working against nature.

Yes, people change their addictions all the time from SI to food to substance abuse, shopping.......... The only way to stop addictions is to deal with the underlying issues which has to do with dealing with your emotions (and problem solving the dysfunctional beliefs and behaviors that you have).

My "addiction" is a punishment, or used to dull my emotions, when they become too much for me

Yes, this lines up with addictions........

Music helps me. Maybe go for a nap when you feel like that. Heres a good metal song :

Good luck