[extrules]

People often say that they became "addicted" to self injury. They explain how they felt guilty and afraid that they would be found. Their emotional pain outweighs the pain of using a sharp object to tear open their skin.

I am not that way. I am not in emotional pain or mental distress. I have been injuring for years without being noticed or getting in trouble or going too far. My injuries have often been weeks or months apart. I used to (and sometimes still do) use needles to prick the skin between my fingers and make little pictures with the blood, but not because I was so unhappy that I couldn't stand it, just because I liked the pain(t). I've burned myself on purpose before, and that was especially relaxing. The injury lasts for weeks and still hurts like its fresh, and I always played it so everyone thought the burns were accidents from curling irons or the exhaust pipe from my dad's motorcycle.

I have never gotten help from a professional or loved one because I haven't really felt like I needed it up until now. You see, I have this continual feeling of emptiness inside. I have become an expert at covering this lack of emotion, and the self harm helps me forget the cold edges of my arctic soul, warming it, you see? However, my last escapade in pinching my thumb with the flat iron did nothing for me. I felt just as empty as before. I even picked the blister off before it was ready just to see a little blood, but even that did nothing for me. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

I ignored this random fluke, but just yesterday I tore my elbow on a loose piece of plastic sheeting in the garage (on purpose) and again felt nothing. I'm beginning to wonder if I might not have a mildly skewed view of the world. Perhaps my entire life philosophy is made of fear and air and madness. Maybe I am incapable of love. I have never seen a therapist, never talked to anyone about anything, but does this sound like something I should see a counselor for? Does anyone feel similar to how I feel? Has anyone heard of some kind of solution with which one might fabricate emotion?

I apologize for my wordiness. When I get distressed, I become rather long winded.

[disguise123]

oh extrules , yes you should seek help, if its doing nothing for you, try stop it get help instead, i fear for you. You need to stop before you get in a situation you cant controll. I understand about si, try get help imeaditely. Have you got a good gp? It would be a start.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by extrules

I am not in emotional pain or mental distress.

I have this continual feeling of emptiness inside.

I have become an expert at covering this lack of emotion,

and the self harm helps me forget the cold edges of my arctic soul, warming it, you see?

Has anyone heard of some kind of solution with which one might fabricate emotion?

Sounds like you are one step under emotional pain. You repress your emotions.

The SI releases endorphins which improve your mood and thus, brings some relief (but like all addictions it loses it's affect).

You don't need to fabricate emotions, you need to find yours. You can start with checking in with yourself and exploring how you are feeling through out the day. You write in this post that you are distressed. This is feeling something.

Yes, I would suggest therapy so that you can explore this with a professional. Please continue to keep us posted on how you are doing?