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  #1  
Old Feb 08, 2011, 09:25 PM
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puzzclar puzzclar is offline
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I'm questioning everything that I do.... WHY does it have to be this way?? Life is just overwhelming because of my tests... I've gotten a 75, a 65 and a 56... and now I just realized that it's counting down. I took the last one today and it was the 56... I just have let it get to me... and after a few weeks of being clean of SI, I now want to return to it, out of comfort. Which doesn't make sense. So tonight I just want to relax and rest and start tomorrow morning early and read like crazy and start putting together flash cards. I hope it will help... but I just don't know anymore. I want to go back to the old life and I know where that will get me.. right back to the Mental hospital... I've taken my meds for being anxious and agitated. Please can I have a better semester... I've already been in the hospital, I don't want to go back. Please someone over something that could help before things get out of hand...

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  #2  
Old Feb 09, 2011, 09:37 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Sounds like you have been doing really well Puzz, 2 weeks with no SI. This is great! Did you talk to your professors about your tests? Can you get tutoring? Please seek help with this okay? Keep up the good work.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #3  
Old Feb 13, 2011, 01:18 AM
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puzzclar puzzclar is offline
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Now all I want is to just hurt... because I'm hurting inside... I'm worthless... at least that's what I tell myself. I just hope that i don't do anything more tonight... I have spend my day watching movies... instead of reading the books that I need to read. I've done nothing today... except eat and watch movies. At least I made muffins. for the week.
  #4  
Old Feb 13, 2011, 02:23 AM
Confusedinomicon Confusedinomicon is offline
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You know what, I feel the same way. I wasted the whole day doing nothing and I feel as though I should be punishing myself. I haven't been able to relax much all day. I need to study for my science classes and write an essay. I also realize I gave myself a bruise but in the end it wasn't worth it.

BUT.

That bruise tells me that I need to work harder on stopping this ugly habit.

For the reading:

I read something on the BP thread about procrastination that I've used in my own life. I have problems reading tons of pages at once, right? So I break it down and reward myself. I let myself read, say 10 pages at once. Then I play half an hour of some game.

Other times I'll do a half hour of one assignment, then switch to another assignment for half an hour. I have a really short attention span, so switching up the assignments keeps me interested long enough to finish them.

You're not worthless. (((puzzclar)))
  #5  
Old Feb 13, 2011, 08:46 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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You didn't want to do the homework?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #6  
Old Feb 13, 2011, 11:11 PM
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puzzclar puzzclar is offline
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movies just sounded better. I tried to do the reading... but kind of failed in that regard. I just hope that I can get up tomorrow to get the homework done.... and then I did SI.... and I just hope that it doesn't happen again or else it will go a different direction next time.
  #7  
Old Feb 14, 2011, 09:42 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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I hope you can stick with doing your reading.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #8  
Old Feb 14, 2011, 10:49 PM
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puzzclar puzzclar is offline
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Well tonight, I don't think I want to, because of what has happened. I talked with someone and it reminded me of what led up to me being in the hospital. So I'm VERY frustrated by this, it it makes it hard to think.
  #9  
Old Feb 15, 2011, 12:58 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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I'm not sure I understand?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #10  
Old Feb 18, 2011, 08:32 PM
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puzzclar puzzclar is offline
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I understand, and to me that's all that matters with the last post. It is once again the weekend and I'm alone again. My roommates leave me, and honestly, it seems like things get worse without people around. So I watch movies to try and get away from the urges... but all I'm doing is going back to the old way of life... I need to change how I live but I'm not sure how to change. I don't do things with people, like I want to, I feel like watching movies will help, but it doesn't. How do you change without knowing what to change?
  #11  
Old Feb 21, 2011, 09:32 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Can you get out to public places like parks or malls where there are a lot of people? Can you join any clubs on campus?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #12  
Old Feb 23, 2011, 12:17 AM
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puzzclar puzzclar is offline
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That could work but, I really think that there is an underlying cause for what is happening something that I'm trying to not bring up at all. But the questions is... What is the underlying problem ? What am I trying to cover up? I just really want to know the Cause.
Not to mention something that would work for me to fix the problem... I hope with the help of the Therapist tomorrow that something will help. And then I can work on the solution.
  #13  
Old Feb 23, 2011, 12:20 AM
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jennaorgana jennaorgana is offline
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there are a million things to do ,but just keep telling yourself this:

EVERYTHING IN LIFE, EVERY LITTLE THING, OCCURS IN A BELLCURVE. thnk a loose upside down lower case N.

things get harder and quick, the pain seems like it will never nend and the only way to cope, you think, is to hurt yourself or act out. but i ProMISE YOU, any scientist or mathemtician will promise you, that all feelings and all of everything will eb and flow. you will hit a peak, and it WILL get better. until then ill be around
  #14  
Old Feb 23, 2011, 09:46 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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So glad that you have a T appt. tomorrow. Keep us posted?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #15  
Old Feb 23, 2011, 11:44 PM
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puzzclar puzzclar is offline
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Therapist is good, but Doc is noo good, see the new post for more details, It was such a bad day, that I posted twice, on two different things. But they go nicely together.
  #16  
Old Feb 24, 2011, 01:43 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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I'm so glad that you like your T. Sorry about that pdoc.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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