I feel more dead than alive Trigger

I cannot keep feeling this way. I pray to die every night. I get very self destructive and risk taking. I DO have a T and he claims to know all of this. There are no solutions or options left as being awake is painful. I have pulled away from everything and everyone; the presence of anyone is too much. I do not interact with the outside world or much within the walls of my home. I am doing all the professionals suggest to me. There is no more trust for anyone and I don't believe anyone can or would help me; I won't even help me. I guess there's nothing left.

I'm holding you ((((((((( Calista +12 )))))))))))

Please hold on. This feeling will pass and you will feel better about life.

i understand very much what you are talking about,i am there myself,but know you are not alone and keep fighting..i know its hard when the thought of another day is so hard but, each new day means you won the day before.

I understand

((((((((((((Calista+12)))))))))))))))

Hello, Calista. Perhaps it would be beneficial if you printed your posts for your therapist? You are not getting the help you need. Your therapist and psychologist need to do more for you.

Good luck.

THere are always options, always.....

THe solutions only come with work.

Isolation is not a good choice.......

Why is everyone too much?

Really?

What about your therapist?

WHy?

forgetted what the queston is...
oh cuz to tiered and broke down

Can you tell your therapist these things?

Please continue to keep me posted?

(((Sannah))) I have told T. He is attempting to get more help for me. I am very switchy right now but I appreciate your input very much. I'll keep you updated. Thank you!

It got worse after I really believed it couldn't.
If I felt invisable before, I am completely gone now.
How can so much go wrong at once? The one thing I always cherished is slowly going away. I can talk to T about it but no one that can DO anything about it.
I feel so helpless and useless. I found out my daughter was involved in a car accident (she was a passenger and lives out of state) tonight.
Why does a whole family pick one member to shun? How do they make that decision? How does one make peace with that?
One step forward and ten steps back for me.....
YES Sannah and everyone I AM trying. Have you ever talked to a brick wall?

With your T YOU can work on making things better for you.

Is your daughter okay?

Some families are just toxic and you just have to make a good life for yourself away from them.

Toxic familys don't just happen....It was all right before me.
I alienated the daughter and all the rest.
I am so tired of this constant fight.
T is sick again so no appointment

I am done.

I feel more dead than alive Trigger
Ok Trigger, if you are feeling dead than at least you are alive. That is a start.
Feeling dead can be depression. But it can be other things as well.
If you are seeking therapy that is a good sign that you want to feel better.
If you do not feel that you trust your therapist than find a new therapist, do not get discouraged and remember that you are paying the therapist to help you.
When you go to a therapist you need to interview the therapist first. Just sitting there and saying your sad and answering questions is not enough. You should ask your therapist if they are married, have children, have pets, what do they like to do for hobbies, why did they want to be a therapist, etc.
What you are trying to do Trigger is find a therapist that you can connect with and trust. So you have to get into them before you will feel better about letting them
enter your personal space.
Did you see the movie Good Will Hunting? In that movie, he went thru therapists and he did not like any of them until he met the right one that found his troubled spot.
Ofcourse, I don't suggest doing it the way the young man in the movie did. But,
the message was that he saw different ones until he found the right one.
Part of a good therapist's job is knowing how to make you feel comfortable enough to talk and open up. If the therapist you are seeing isn't doing that than make a change. Do not blame it on yourself. It is their job to help you help yourself to find a path the makes you feel more alive about yourself.
I don't know how old you are, sounds like your at a cross road maybe teens?
In order to feel alive you have to do something new Trigger. Learn something new.
Be challenged in some way that is different. Take guitar lessons, art lessons, sailing lessons, something that you are learning and not necessarily social stuff. Sometimes when you feel dead, it is because you are doing nothing to turn your brain on. Find a horse farm and try taking some lessons. If you don't have alot of money offer work for lessons. You would be amazed what you can get from a horse. Touching the horse and looking into it's eyes and watching it breath and move and slowly allowing it to sense you. Then you get on and feel it move and it is awkward and slowly you learn to follow its rythm and each time you ride you follow more and eventually you feel more and more connected to the horse. As you gain balance and rythm you will feel better in your brain. Your goal is not to become a top rider, but to experience the animal in your body and brain.
The same goes for the guitar, piano, art, sailing, or learning anything new. It is not about becoming the best, it is about challenging yourself and by doing that you will be amazed at how you will feel less and less dead.
Try lots of things Trigger, because somewhere inside you is a gift that you have not opened yet or discovered yet. So you will feel dead until you find your gift and that means getting out and trying different things until a light goes on. Learn how to go fishing, hunting, go out in the woods on a tour and learn about the beautiful things in nature that is worth being more alive to appreciate.
Think of yourself as an unlit candle. That is what feeling dead is. Now light up the candle. Find a match and do it by exploring some of the things I mentioned in this note. Some how if you keep going out and trying new things you will find yourself and then, you will find someone like you and that will make you feel alive too.
Every day you get up, say, today is the first day of the rest of my life and I will have the rest of my life to find out the things that make me feel alive. And I will keep trying new things until my candle is lit.