[lonely and scared]

I made a promise back in November not to Si even when things got really hard. This promise was made to my boyfriends who is now an ex as he went to Oz for 9 months. He comes back I still really like him, I'm not sure if we will get back together, but even if we don't I have let him down as I have broken the promise and SI. I feel really bad as I have broken a promise I always try not to break promise but I just found it really hard and now I don't know what to do.

[SoupDragon]

Sometimes all we can do is have a postive intention to keep a promise. Sounds like you did have a postive intention, but the situation you were in was just too challenging for you to not use something to help you cope that you have used in the past.

For me the self critical stuff just makes the urges worse, so try and be kind to yourself, sounds like you tried really hard.

[Catlovers141]

I have heard that sometimes making promises to other people not to SI can sometimes make things worse. I am not sure if the things surrounding that promise may be adding to your discomfort now. From what I see from your post, you seem guilty because you feel you may have let him down by self-harming. In some ways that may be distracting you from yourself and your other feelings because you are more focused on what he will think and feel about what you have done.

Maybe try redirecting some of that energy back to yourself. Understand for yourself why you want to stop self-harming rather than making a promise to someone else. Sometimes it can be good to have an accountability buddy, but ultimately you have to want to stop for yourself. Maybe you can also think about what led up to this relapse and how you might prevent it in the future.

Also remember that self-harming has probably been what you have done a lot of the time when you struggled with difficult emotions. Even though you may be learning new coping mechanisms and ways of thinking, self-harm is an addictive behavior and it will be difficult to avoid it all the time.