[Zabine]

I am not diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, however, I know that is what I have, it is not merely BPD characteristics. I just need someone to talk to. Sometimes I do really well and I feel great. Lately though I have been struggling. I am experiencing very high levels of anger and I am unable to tolerate most people. I am scared that I might hurt someone, or that I might turn my anger onto myself again.

I can't believe that I cut myself again, it litterally had been years.....Anyone else out there haveing difficulty holding it together?

[puzzclar]

Life is hard, need I say more.... yes I have something else that may just help. You, Zabine, have had great success!!!! Years without cutting, that's wonderful. One thing to keep in mind, is that that you may have a slip, but it is how you respond to it. It's hard to hold it all together, but it is possible. Have some faith in yourself.

I'm not an expert in BPD, but there is a forum that can help you with that, write on there, for more ideas as to what you can do. As far as the anger goes, if you get bad enough that you are that scared, then please call for help, reach out, it will help. What to do in the mean time, best idea, sleep, find a way to release the anger, ie. screaming into a pillow, drawing out your anger, talking about that anger with someone you trust to keep yourself safe. Express your anger in writing, on here if it helps, some times venting can help more than anything in the world.

Good luck, and stay safe.

[Sannah]

Do you have a therapist?

[Zabine]

I had 2 therapists. One I do DBT group with and one that I do one on ones with. I quit seeing my 1-on-1 psychologist because I was tired of her telling me the same unhelpful things over and over. (I get it, I am not going to cuss my boss out, I am just venting, telling you what I have visions of doing.)

Yesterday I went to a psych doc, one that is a therapist and can handle my medications as well. In addition to the 2 therapists I was using I had a flight surgeon, who is actually a ob/gyn to handle my meds. He kept putting me on ssri's (celexa, zoloft, prozac, and luvox) all in the last year.

I finally was perscribed something different, an anticouvulsant, lamictal. So far I have been nauseous and vomited this morning. Dispite that I am going to try to tough it out to see if this system persists. I hope it helps me, I am not depressed, I am very angry and irritable. I will post later....