Proving....(urgent? urgent-ish, maybe) =/

Beautiful_Pain · Dec 27, 2005 at 06:21 AM

...that things are easier said than done. I am feeling moderate/mild psycosis, and SI'd. I didn't try the 15 minute thing I posted and said I wanted to try. I didn't feel it, when I bit or burned myself...felt even less when I hit my head =(

My husband thinks its because I am getting 're-adjusted' to my meds, when I didn't take them for a couple days. But I really don't think thats it. I read a bit ago that when I can't distinguish between the unrealness of psychosis and 'reality' I shouldn't be left alone...and if thinking of/actually hurting myself or others I should go to the er. I don't know what to do...my husband doesn't think its serious enough to go in for. I don't know if it is or not Proving....(urgent? urgent-ish, maybe) =/

I feel like %#@&#!, in every way right now.

If someone sees this, can you let me know your opinion, please? Proving....(urgent? urgent-ish, maybe) =/

tamzinrose · Dec 27, 2005 at 07:06 AM

I read it. I think you slipped up with not trying the 15 minute thing, or maybe you just didn't want to do that on some level. I dunno. I'm not much help tbh. Things are easier said than done, but I wish you luck anyway. I'm sorry I can't help at all.

Beautiful_Pain · Dec 27, 2005 at 07:45 AM

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think you slipped up with not trying the 15 minute thing, or maybe you just didn't want to do that on some level.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thank you...I LOVE taking blame. It couldn't be that I'm 1. ill, 2. in psychosis, 3. it is BRAND NEW to me? 4. I was a bit pre-occupied with my feelings and not thinking 'rationally' of alternatives??????? Proving....(urgent? urgent-ish, maybe) =/

The Blame Game is old...just adding another page to the score book I guess...

tamzinrose · Dec 27, 2005 at 09:20 AM

Don't blame yourself. That'll never get you anywhere.

Rapunzel · Dec 27, 2005 at 03:56 PM

I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. I think that whether or not you need to go to the ER depends on what else you think you might do. Since you are the only one who could have a sense of that, it has to be your decision. I would say don't be alone, and let your husband help you stay safe.

Do you have a T or a doctor who is treating you or monitoring you? You should probably let that person know what is going on, and follow the advice that they give you.

Hang in there and take care of yourself, please. We care about you. I care about you.

backandforth · Dec 27, 2005 at 04:17 PM

hey bp... I hope that you're feeling better today,.... sorry if I wasn't much of a help but I tried! rapunzel pretty much said a lot of the things I was trying to get across to you... I think you made the right decision in the end... only you know what's best and if you're not able to make that decision then the best thing you can do is surround yourself w/ someone who can help you stay safe...... I really do hope you're better.

Lexicon78 · Dec 27, 2005 at 10:09 PM

Apparently your husband doesn't realize the seriousness of your illness. Depending on how upset you are, you are not gonna feel it. Like if I'm really upset I don't feel a thing when I cut. I don't think that's a psychosis thing, I just think it's how your emotions can totally numb your physical sensations. Like if you got really mad and hit someone, you wouldn't feel it, but you would later on. Same thing.

Take care. Try to hang in there. I'm here if you need me.

Beautiful_Pain · Dec 27, 2005 at 10:51 PM

I ended up going to bed and lying there...going minute by minute to Not do anything to myself. Eventually I fell asleep, bad sleep--but safe sleep. I took a nap this afternoon and again just a bit ago. Feeling better, today...still a bit unreal.

He's usually good, Lexi...but I think it would be hard to understand if you don't have it. I wasn't upset, just felt unreal--I thought that was why it was psychosis, I felt like that but worse last week (when I didn't take my pills for a couple days). I'm just not sure what was going on...one reason I felt so scared last night. The burns, punches and headbanging that I did last night still don't hurt today. I don't know what to make of that either.

I think he thinks I want to go back to the hospital...its not that I want to go back--but the way things are going I think it may be neccessary. =/

Thank you backandforth for trying to track my circular logic and the support you gave in chat {{{{{back}}}}}

Thanks to everyone who replied {{{{everyone}}}}

Ok, thanks so much {{{{Lexi}}}}

Lexicon78 · Dec 27, 2005 at 11:20 PM

I used to suffer from that type of psychosis. I'd go into these trance-like states where I wouldn't remember anything. But I'd always cut or do other things to hurt myself. I don't know what would happen when I'd go into them.

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tamzinrose Grand Member Member Since Jul 2005 Location: UK Posts: 581 19	Dec 27, 2005 at 07:06 AM #2 I read it. I think you slipped up with not trying the 15 minute thing, or maybe you just didn't want to do that on some level. I dunno. I'm not much help tbh. Things are easier said than done, but I wish you luck anyway. I'm sorry I can't help at all. __________________ ...she's a difficult girl...
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tamzinrose Grand Member Member Since Jul 2005 Location: UK Posts: 581 19	Dec 27, 2005 at 09:20 AM #4 Don't blame yourself. That'll never get you anywhere. __________________ ...she's a difficult girl...
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