No cuts since Dec 7!

So I haven't cut myself since Wednesday - which isn't that long ago, I know, big whoop right? But I just feel such relief. This follows a period of pretty excessive daily (well, nightly) cutting that was getting increasingly out of control, and I hate being in that place, where cutting seems like the only thing to do to cope.

So what changed? Well, on Wednesday I saw my doctor - who asked to see my arm. It was pretty awful having to show him all the fresh cuts. He had a good talk with me, which helped. He reassured me somehow. He said that we aren't done, there are still things to try, we can up my meds... He said that I just need to focus on today, and tomorrow, and not worry beyond that for now. He spoke with me about having trust and faith to 'follow someone else's map'... and I don't know, I guess he just struck a chord. I started to feel a little more hopeful. He booked me in to see him again in 2 weeks, and I felt like maybe I have someone else in my corner, next to my T

On Thursday I saw my therapist and we did some relaxation/hypnosis. I hadn't told her about self harming again - no reason, it just didn't come up - but I did mention 'the desperation has been setting in again', so maybe she worked it out - I just know she said a lot to me, speaking to my subconscious, about respecting myself and caring for myself. I have felt very relaxed since then, and haven't had the urge to cut at all yet...!

I'm just hoping I can put it behind me this time, for real. It's a start, anyway, right? I think where I went wrong last time was giving in to it 'just a little', thinking I could control it - 'just one small cut, maybe two' - but then it just got worse and worse. I think the thing to do is to refrain from cutting completely. Once you start, it's addictive. Maybe if I can last out long enough to heal this time, it will be easier to stop altogether...

Very good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've made it this far without cutting. The latest scars are starting to fade now, but not enough that they haven't been cause for a lot of embarrassment when getting blood tests done (earlier today and Dec 23rd) - it was just so awful to have to reveal my self injury to an unsuspecting stranger each time. The only people I'd be at all comfortable with seeing my arm are my doctor and my therapist. I hate that I did this to myself, and am impatient for it to heal so it isn't so noticeable - at least that's what I'm hoping for.

I'm now trying to use positive coping skills, and trying to reach out when I need to so that I don't feel the need to do it again. So far so good. The thing helping me the most right now is my therapist's use of hypnosis with me, as it really relaxes and calms me down. I'm finding Aloe Vera gel useful in the treatment of the cuts/scars, and I'm contemplating getting a tattoo to disguise a couple of the larger cuts that are going to leave pretty obvious permanent scars. (Damage limitation!)

keep it up girl! i know how hard it is to fight off an urge, but i also know that you can do it. you aren't alone. keep fighting love. you are worth it!! xxx ♥

Such good news! Thanks for sharing........