I was going through my old incompleted journals & found this note that I wrote a little bit over a year ago to SI that I wanted to share. As I read it I realized that I still feel the same way as I did a year ago. Here it goes...

You are becoming more frequent and now not only am I cutting...burning has become a form of you for me. There was a time when I thought I wanted to give you up, but now I'm not so sure anymore. I kinda like what you do for me and even though you are a temporary relief...you have given me more relief than any other thing that I have tried. The part of you that's in me tells me that you are not a problem and you are here when I need you, but I know that you are. I'm just not sure if I want to get rid of this problem...not yet at least. Just until I don't need you anymore and then I will set you free...or at least try.

12/05/10- 10:45 pm

Not sure what the purpose of me posting this, but thought I let you guys in my head...just a little bit.

[SoupDragon]

Hi sofragile - SI is hard to deal with isn't it? - the relief, the high it achieves can be quite addictive in the same way that drugs can be - but like drugs often we need to increase the intensity, the frequency to get the same effect and the more damage we cause ourselves.

And again like a drug, in order to stop the we first need to want to.

Keep safe - Soup