[virtualhugs95]

I am trying to recover from self harm with no professional help because it is a waste of time. I have been but i am not going to my next appointment as it doesnt help and the guy i saw is a snob who blames everything on my parents and the world around me (okay so bullying does have something to do with it but its isnt the primary reason). He doesnt blame anything on my mental health and wellbeing.

How can i resist the urges?
How can i go about stopping self harming?

[SoupDragon]

Hi virtualhugs - wow that's a big question.

SI can be very addicitve and hard to resist as it has pretty much immediate effects and works in reducing the overwhelming feelings - the negative part of it (often shame / guilt) that comes later does not come soom enough for our brains to pair it with the SI behaviour and so we get stuck in that cycle of bad feelings wanting immediate relief and turning to what we know works.

The way me and my T are tackling it is to pretty much ignore the SI behaviour - we rarely talk about it in sessions maybe 5 times in the 2 years I have been seeing T (T will sometimes just ask about any changes frequency) - but instead his view is that if I learn to deal with the overwhelming feelings in a more healthy way then the SI will no longer be the only option for me and I will be able to choose a different way of dealing with things.

In terms of resisting the urges - I find that very hard (but not impossible) - once the idea is in my head it just sticks there and eats away at me until I give in. For me I really don't think I could tackle these things without seeing a T.

I have read your profile and it sounds like you have had a hard time and have a lot to deal with right now. I really admire what you wrote in this thread about not blaming others and taking responsibility for your health. However I think these things can be really hard to work through on your own and wondered if there anyway you could change your mental health worker and find a T that you feel more comfortable with?

Be kind to yourself, you do matter - Soup

[Sannah]

Hi Vhugs, welcome to PC. I'm glad that you have a therapist. Can you tell your T how you are feeling about him blaming your parents?

I read your profile and you mentioned that you have low self esteem. Our self esteem is built in our families. People who get bullied have low self worth. People bully to get a reaction and people with low self worth are the ones who give the reaction that they are looking for. People with a healthy self worth don't give the wanted reaction so they aren't bullied. I teach a bully program and once I work with the person and get their self worth up the bullying stops.

Anyway, parents are in charge of developing emotionally healthy children. It is their job. When a parent isn't as successful with this it is because they have their own emotional problems. They aren't doing it on purpose. Most parents are doing the best that they can.

I really, really hope that you return to this therapist and work through this issue with him. This is a really, really important part of therapy - learning how to work through disagreements with people. You really will learn a lot from this if you give it a try.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

[virtualhugs95]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

Hi virtualhugs - wow that's a big question.

SI can be very addicitve and hard to resist as it has pretty much immediate effects and works in reducing the overwhelming feelings - the negative part of it (often shame / guilt) that comes later does not come soom enough for our brains to pair it with the SI behaviour and so we get stuck in that cycle of bad feelings wanting immediate relief and turning to what we know works.

The way me and my T are tackling it is to pretty much ignore the SI behaviour - we rarely talk about it in sessions maybe 5 times in the 2 years I have been seeing T (T will sometimes just ask about any changes frequency) - but instead his view is that if I learn to deal with the overwhelming feelings in a more healthy way then the SI will no longer be the only option for me and I will be able to choose a different way of dealing with things.

In terms of resisting the urges - I find that very hard (but not impossible) - once the idea is in my head it just sticks there and eats away at me until I give in. For me I really don't think I could tackle these things without seeing a T.

I have read your profile and it sounds like you have had a hard time and have a lot to deal with right now. I really admire what you wrote in this thread about not blaming others and taking responsibility for your health. However I think these things can be really hard to work through on your own and wondered if there anyway you could change your mental health worker and find a T that you feel more comfortable with?

Be kind to yourself, you do matter - Soup

thank you, i do try not to blame other people entirly because, although they may have contributed to it, they wouldnt be entirly to blame as i do have mental health issues too. He totally blamed my mum for my low self esteems and not the fact that i was bullied, i had low self esteem already and all my mum did was help me lose weight because i was uncomfortable with the size i was.

regarding my T, i dont think CBT and therapy is right for me, i would like to get involved in group therapy as i think that will help my social anxiety and raise my self esteem. I wouldnt like to mention it to my T as i dont want him to feel bad that he didnt really help. Thats my problem, i can say no but if it will hurt someones feelings i dont.

[Mylifeisdepressing]

I wish I could help, I recently started cutting as a way to relieve the pain. I wouldn't say it's an addiction for me, and I don't know what to say to you other than I really hope you can find a way to stop. Good luck