[allme]

Hi all....I'm bipolar and have a history of self harm in my late teens. It then just stopped.

Sadly, very sadly, for the first time in 10 years I cut my thighs 5 times last night and enjoyed every second of it. I was frantically crying before i did it and I stopped crying instantly as the blade cut through my skin. I was careful not to cut too deep so that i would need medical attention so cut carefully but I did bleed alot. I kept the tissue paper I seeped the blood in and looking at it also brought me some comfort. Today, I keep feeling the cuts and look at them when I can....it comforts me. I strongly want to do it again right now....and really could do with some words of wisdom. I have my blade in a nice trincket box as if a little piece of treasure. Does that make sense to anyone?

Thanks for reading

[theGirlNextDorm]

Hi Allme, thank you for sharing what you've been going through. I have to say, I do not struggle with self-injury, but if I were you I would see if I could get in to a therapist right away. Or, just someone to be with you who knows you and cares about you. If that is not an option, I'll be here for a while.
Is there any particular reason these feelings came up last night? Any old trauma resurfacing or new difficulties? Or could this just be a symptom of bipolar (I'm bipolar, too)? Maybe thinking about the reasons why could take away the urge.
Or, if thinking about your problems makes it worse, just relax! Everything is going to be all right. Do something that will keep yourself occupied and take your mind off of the urges.
Sorry, I hope I've helped in some way. Hang in there!
We really care about you here at PC, and we're here!

[allme]

I am having severe marriage problems coupled with a major crash after a major high. I did it again... and i think you are right, I need to tell somene about it. I see my CPN soon so will tell her. thank you for your reply :-)

[theGirlNextDorm]

No problem, that what I'm here for

[forever_unbroken]

I cut my wrist for awhile, and I understand when you say that it comforts you. It's weird, but when you're upset or angry or whatever, you make one cut, and it's like a weight is lifted off your shoulders.
My sister saw my scars, and it hurt me to no end. I realized after that, that self-harm is not the way to go. The only thing you're hurting is yourself. You should definitely go see a therapist, or try snapping a rubberband on your wrist when you feel the urge to cut. That's what I did.. I hope things get better for you. <3