No other option

I need to cut myself up. It will replace this awful dead sadness inside me.
It will replace the regrets and the sorrow. I know quite a bit of anatomy but I looked up the blood vessels of the neck just to make sure. I hate being in this body. I hate the hurt. I will replace it.

(((((((((((((( Calista ))))))))))))))

Calista, please stay safe. I'm sorry that you are sad. I'm sure that you have very valid reasons for being sad.

((((( (Calista)))))) are you okay ?

The sadness is suffocating. I can't even cry.

Please don't do that to yourself. You don't deserve it.

Oh ((Calista)) what is the sadness,please tell

Loss of so many people I have loved. Mistakes I have made, regrets .....too many regrets.
I can't fix these. The kids are gone, the house is empty. We have no more money for bills. I am going to die alone because that's what I deserve.
The pain I feel is like physical pain. The way to not feel that pain is to cut. I hurt too much.

Loss of ppl living or have died, living ones if they truly were meant to be in your life they will come back, for the ones that have pasted,i believe they are all ways with us. Regrets we all have those, i think of that as telling me i did live, cutting is important, not a good thing to do, but its still important, i think of cutting as words that have no form, tears that fall in silents, I love you Calista

Thank you everyone for responding. I guess I didn't expect much response.
My T is actively looking at options for me.

(((Silenthill))) I love you too.

Maybe you just need to grieve?

I'm grieving for things that haven't happened yet as well as those that have.