[bowhunt72]

Went from a manic high to the worst depressed I've been in a long time. Checked myself into the hospital because I didn't feel safe. Allowed my wife to remove all my guns from my apartment. Lonely and depressed, living alone because I wrecked my marriage for an affair that went bad when she left me too, my kids are angry with me and don't want to talk to me, I have almost no money coming in because I'm off work to participate in an intensive outpatient program, when I do go back to work it will be to a job that sucks and barely pays anything because I was forced to leave my real career because of my psych illness...

The pressure to cut again is building. I don't know how long it's been since I cut, I think over two years. Can't claim any good coping skills for avoiding it, the urge just wasn't there. Now it feels like my whole life is caving in. Not sure why I went to the hospital on suicide watch because I can't really find a reason to live. The pain is getting bigger and bigger, and I want to cut again to let some of it out. No one will really care if I do. Except for a few small cuts on my wrist, I always cut on my leg where it's hidden. Not sure why I'm asking for help...

[SupernaturalLover]

Stay safe please. And I know how it feels for urges to keep building up and up until bursting point. But all you will accomplish by giving into them is guilt and shame and the need to do it more and more. 2 years SI free is an absolutely amazing accomplishment.