Just got confronted at work

About the scars & wearing of long sleeves... I told the truth & the girl who confronted me said I needed to tell our boss when I'm ready, even though I told her I'm already in therapy. WTF?! That's personal! And it doesn't interfere with work! I've never SI-ed at work. Anyone else had to do this? If so how did you handle it? I'm not sure how to proceed. Any advice, opinions, and/ or experiences welcomed.

I think those things are personal & there is no need to tell anyone let alone your boss at work. You have a T & you are working on your issues.....there is nothing at work that you need to tell them about those personal things. I think there is a privacy act that even states that things like that do not have to be talked about or let anyone know those deeply personal things especially at work.

If it were to become an issue that was causing problems at work, then something might need to be said. Your right to your privacy on things like this are there & you have the right not to tell your boss.

Don't know what trouble this person might want to cause who is pushing you to tell. Sounds like a difficult situation....being open & honest with a co-worker does tend to open up the ability for her to go to your boss & say something even though it would be un-ethical on her part. I think I personally would just lay low & not say anything to anyone about it unless for some reason it starts to get blown up by that person you talked to who is pushing you to tell.

It's definitely better for information like that to be under your control of who you tell as it really isn't anyone else's business. Don't know if your company is large enough to have an employee relations department, but you might want to talk with someone there because that is always private & what is said doesn't go beyond you & them.

I really think unless the girl you talked to is a jerk, the whole thing will die down.

You don't have to tell anyone anything about your SI'ing any more than a person dealing with anorexia needs to say anything about that or any other mental illness they struggle with.....all personal & private information

Yup I have been there,

I was hurting myself and I told who I thought was my best friend/colleague. She went straight to our manager and told him. I get the fact I worked as a support worker for vulnerable people. But I didn't do it at work. I had no scars etc as I bang my head and self inflict on myself and I do not leave marks. My Manager called me up and left a voicemail saying I had to attend a meeting with him and HR. I went to the meeting and was mortified. I lied and said I didn't hurt myself and got really angry while in meeting as they were making out I cut myself etc when I don't. HR said her friend hurts herself so she knows all about self harming which is a lie come on! Anyways needless to say I didn't talk to that friend ever again

Who you tell is your business. If you want to tell your boss then tell him. Personally I would never tell anyone at work about my SI, none of their business, and as long as it doesn't interfere with my work, really none of their business.

As far as the scars go, and I have a lot of them, I don't get asked often, I think it helps being a guy, when people do ask, I be honest and tell them it's none of their business. Yes this makes people wonder but let them.

It's none of their business. It is personal and up to you to disclose when and if you decide to. I mean, you don't exactly fill your boss in on when you are having your period, do you? You don't have to tell anybody anything.

As for scars -- well, I do a lot of yard work. I'm also a little klutzy when I go hiking in the mountains. And don't forget the times you need to carry firewood but since it's warm out you wore short sleeves and the wood scraped you.

Yeah. It's none of their gd business.

I am really pissed off for you! SI is part of your medical history - which by law is confidential information. No one can force you to reveal this, unless you would like to.
For this reason, I consider this one of those times when a little white lie is okay. If I am confronted by someone at work, or anyone I don't want to tell, I simply say, "car accident." A car accident can cause a wide variety of injuries, and is reasonable enough. Someone might suspect I am lying, but they have no cause to further confront me. If they push the issue, I have no problem saying, "I don't feel it's professional to discuss personal issues in the workplace. I'm sure it's not your intention to pry." If they have any sense at all, that should make them feel like an *****.

SI is a very delicate issue.

It is not always necessary to tell.

And I feel that in this case it isn't.

The boss is not the therapist or the doctor and it should be up to the employee whether or not this is shared!

If I were in this place, I would definitely think, "This is a work relationship and my issues are PRIVATE."

Billi

I kept mine a secret at two of my jobs specifically (as well as the rest), because I know that I could have been fired. I know they say you can't be fired for medical conditions that don't impact your work and I would check the fine print if you have a contract. For me, you could twist my si/scars in a way that would make me eligable for dimisal. It's a tricky situation, as well as many mental health issues.

Hi,
I agree that it is nobodys business but yours and you shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone.
I think the only reason that you could be expected to tell your boss is if you are wearing the long sleeved tops against some sort of uniform policy ie; nursing. I don't know where you work or if this a factor.
Splitz.

Thank you all so very much for your input!!! Long story short, my boss ended up confronting me herself, calling me into her office & asking me point blank if I cut. Fearing my job regardless of the answer I gave, I shook my head yes. Luckily, I still have my job! She asked if I was getting help because "everyone in the office is worried about you." I politely thanked her for her concern, but assured her there was nothing for her or any of my co-workers to worry about. Personally, I think they're all a bunch of nosey you-know-whats (there's only one male in an office with 12 women) who just couldn't stand the curiosity!! I live in a very small southern town where material for gossip is more often than not the underlying fuel for people's "genuine concern." Anyway, Thanks again for all your posts; they helped so much!

so glad you still have your job.

Whew!

But what a shake-up.

Billi

One of the negative aspects of small towns......but after living in Los Angeles, the small town of 8,000 I now live in feels small, yet I still have my privacy.....& so do most people here.

Sorry they put you through that at work.....I definitely DO NOT like working with women....I liked my engineering career when it was all male.....then it started changing & so did the dynamics of the work place......give me men to work with any day.