[rcrss5]

I tried to so hard not to harm myself,but Iwas just in too much pain. When I was younger I would cut myself, but now I hit myself creating bruising. However I was in so much pain the other day I had to cut too. My shoulder is all bruised up and I have cut myself in the same area. I don't want my kids to see it so I use my shoulder. I feel bad and ashamed to do it but I cant get help quick enough. I have been waiting months and I don't thinks anything will help. I am in such a hole of hopelessness and helpnessness, I don't see anyway out but dying,. I just ask why me? I only want to be a good person and help others. I also want to raise my kids in a happy home.

[gladysaz]

I totally understand the seductiveness of hurting yourself -- it feels like instant relief but as you said, sets you up for shame and guilt later. I found it helpful to give myself permission to hurt myself TOMORROW; then in the morning, delay another few hours etc. Sounds hokey but it helped me hang on.