[Liinu]

I've lately started scratching more. I used to do it only during rage attacks but now, whenever I get really upset and start crying, I just scratch my left arm with my nails. It doesn't really leave any longterm marks though. It's visible for a few minutes, then the red marks disappear. My skin heals pretty quickly too.
But I mean.. is that really self harm? Cause yeah.. The pain helps soothe me and it makes me stop crying faster. And then I just go about my day as if nothing happened. But I don't scratch until my hand is bloody. I usually calm down pretty quickly and then stop. Do any of you do this instead of actual cutting?

[ickydog2006]

I had to fight to not do it when I quit cutting. It's not that it's a problem now, it's that it WILL become a problem. As you've already noticed it increases in quantity and soon it will increase in damage too, and it's only going to get harder to stop as time goes on. When I first started si, I pressed a safety pin into my skin, it didn't really bleed and stung for a few minutes. That was a Tuesday. Two weeks later (Tue) I got upset and did it again. Next week (Tue) it didn't hurt as long so I pressed deeper and got blood and stinging for a few minutes. That Thursday I was stressed again and repeated the process. Tuesday came and I needed it, and had to go deeper because the pain wasn't enough. By Thursday I needed it again so I promised myself I'd only do it on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I stuck with that for a few weeks, but the pain lessened more and pricks weren't enough. I tore apart a razor and made a small cut. Hell that hurt, but the pain lasted long enough to calm me down. I thought I could keep it to one cut a week and use the pin more often. Still not that bad I thought, it's not like I was causing permanent damage. But soon that pin prick wasn't even worth my while and that small cut wouldn't stem the oncomming panic attack. They got deeper. But then I had to start worrying more about infection and stitches so I had to increase frequency. I started tracking when and where I made cuts by drawing my wrist and putting the cuts on there with the dates. I gave up after three weeks because they were so overlapped and there was no where left to mark. Another month and I had to do it every morning to keep most of my panic attacks at bay and would reopen it throughout the day as need be. Did I know it was getting out of hand? Yes. Could I stop, No? Within a few months I was rapidly running out of skin. The morning cut became not enough and I started crisscrossing cuts so I had patches of skin that looked like hamburger. By the following year I was blacking out while I cut and would snap to with blood everywhere. But how did that happen, it was only a pin prick everyweek. Didn't even draw blood at the beginning, not like I was causing permanent damage.
Sorry if this was a little harsh and graphic but you need to kow what you're setting yoursel up for.

[Liinu]

I don't think it could ever get that worse with me. And yeah, everyone says that. But I always think of the consequences and the consequences of me cutting myself would be someone seeing the cuts. And that can't happen. Besides, I don't think I could hurt myself that much. That's just.. I don't know. It disgusts me to even think about the idea of me cutting my skin with a razor blade.

[Sannah]

I would focus on what you need to do to get better. Are you getting help with your dealing with your feelings?

[Liinu]

I'm currently looking into different options - therapists, tests I can take to get a diagnose.. Just stuff like that.

[Silent_tsol]

I do the same thing

I don't think it's as dangerous as cutting but it can still be detrimental

--------Sorry I got detailed, trigger warning ------------
If you scratch through the skin, you will still have scars you want to hide. I also can't imagine cutting but I know that at times my scratching has progressed. You can do a lot of damage with your fingernails and sometimes I've gathered some tools. My nails are weak and sometimes I can't get enough scratch from them so I find something else. I also pick at my fingers and sometimes grab tweezers if there's a bit I can't get.

I just wanted you to know you aren't alone

[Liinu]

I have only scratched through the skin during a rage attack. And I haven't had one of those in quite a long time now.

But thank you.

[Shibo]

I do it without even thinking sometimes when I'm going through withdrawal of the razor.
Normally it's just re-opening old wounds, but I got really freaked out the other day cuz I tore up my shoulder which had no prior injury. I was ripping off flesh with my fingers and nails. For situations when I can't have blood everywhere, I tend to choke myself until my arms go slack from loss of air and I nearly pass out. It ain't pretty.

[youwontknow]

I did that for almost a year before I cut myself and I continued to cut for ten years after that. It is self harm and it can be a sort of "gateway drug".
I hope you are able to get some help before things get worse.

"I can't be myself and I don't want to talk. Now I'm taking the cure so I can be quiet whenever I want."

[Liinu]

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm worried about. I mean.. I need to scratch harder to cause the same amount of pain every time I do it.

But I am getting a little help now. I'm on my way to getting a diagnosis and proper treatment.

[misscath007]

Originally Posted by Liinu

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm worried about. I mean.. I need to scratch harder to cause the same amount of pain every time I do it.

But I am getting a little help now. I'm on my way to getting a diagnosis and proper treatment.

I asked my Tdoc about this. I used to SI when I was in my early 20's, I am now 50. Basically just scratching with a pin or nails on my arm. But it is still self injury even if you are not cutting. From there I went into punching myself and causing bruises.

I have started getting some old urges to SI, I haven't had to deal with this stuff for a long time.

Hope u can get the proper treatment.