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#1
Jun 21, 2012, 12:06 AM
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I used to cut in 6th grade, but i stopped when my mother found out and yelled at me, which ended up making me feel even worse, but i did stop.
But my depression and panic attacks have gotten so bad......every time i have a panic attack i hate myself, im so angry with my self....so the other day, i had one and i was so mad after calming down amidst my tears i grabbed my razor and attacked my upper arm and shoulder. I felt so guilty afterwards, and i had never done it so deep i was scared, but somehow proud i punished myself, and somehow also felt relief. Im just worried, i wont be able to control it again, that was the first time since 6th grade....i mean i would take scolding hot showers to feel the pain, or "accidently" burn myself cooking or ironing, because i PROMISED i wouldnt cut, but still needed an outlet......and i never break promises. Im just really upset i did. And worse i went swimming, and my cousin and sister noticed, but they just thought it was cause i fell into my desk (which is what i told them), i dont think they are suspicious at all. At least i hope not. I just dont know what to think or what to do.... :/ I was on a rollarcoaster, then when i stopped i was at the top- now am i rolling down again? I hope this all makes sense...sorry if its confusing! |
 Idiot17
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#2
Jun 22, 2012, 08:13 AM
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I understand that as I've also decided not to cut again. I know i won't but also doubt because i never knew when i can lose control. If you are keeping it as an option then yes, you are rolling down again. I'll suggest you to take the solemn oath again and stand firm.
Wish you well... |
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#3
Jun 22, 2012, 01:02 PM
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You are not a bad person because you have panic attacks. Panic attacks don't need to be punished. Do you have a therapist?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
Jun 22, 2012, 10:43 PM
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Yes, its hard to keep control. I literally lost it and i scared myself that id go to far- part of me wanted to, but there of course was a part holding me back.
What an aweful feeling. And i know, i just wish i could be normal, my friend actualy told me that i should just calm down and not OVERREACT......but i truley try. Its so hard....i just hate myself, for many reasons, but i get so sick of worrying and the anxiety, and i just wish i was able to stop myself. Normally i just sob afterwards, but this was different.... And no, i keep asking my parents for one, i have or a long time, but they shrug it off, or make a joke, or ignore me- they dont understand that i NEED it.... |
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#5
Jun 23, 2012, 11:45 AM
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Fear of panic attacks actually makes them worse. Can you imagine not worrying about them? They are going to happen anyway. You survive them. Can you imagine just going with them?
Parents who don't get their kids therapists make me angry. Can you get the help of another adult to convince parents?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Jun 23, 2012, 05:39 PM
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Yeah, i should remind myself that Sannah- i just need to accept them for what they are, and learn to get through them. (:
Im not sure who else i could get to convince them....any ideas? |
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#7
Jun 23, 2012, 06:17 PM
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Is there anyone who they respect and listen to?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Jun 23, 2012, 09:18 PM
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Hmm....it used to be my grandpartents, but they passed away. They mostly just respect each other
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#9
Jun 24, 2012, 10:31 AM
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So no other relatives?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#10
Jun 24, 2012, 09:53 PM
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No, probably not- and more than likely they'd get mad and tell the family member to not tell them how to parent, and mind their business......Im sorry i seem so hard to work with- but i just cannot think of anyone
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#11
Jun 25, 2012, 07:10 PM
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It is not your fault that your parents aren't taking to a therapist.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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