[littleyellowspider]

I have not self injured in almost a year but I still struggle with the aftermath of it all. I have very noticeable scars on my thighs and I am extremely self conscious about them. I'd self injured for years but my last year was by far the worst and this is the first year that I've had really noticeable scars that lasted longer than a couple weeks. Many people (including members of my family) don't know that I ever self injured, or if they do, they think I stopped years ago. I am terrified of people seeing the scars and having to explain it. Especially when it comes to meeting new people. I can easily hide the scars with pants, but I can't wear a bathing suit or many pairs of shorts. With my last boyfriend I covered them with concealer and then the only time he ever asked about it I told him i fell off a fence (yeah I know, lame excuse) I think he knew, but he never asked about it again. Now things really concern me like, what about if I meet the guy I'm going to marry? he'll have to see my legs eventually and how do I explain that? and it's summer and is really hard to avoid swimming. Really overall, once you get past this how do you ever bring up to someone that you used to do it? I planned on just not telling people ever, but my scars make it hard to hide. I just need some advice.

[SoupDragon]

Hi littleyellowspider.

Like you my scars now last more than 2 weeks - I hope they will fade completely eventually, but in the meantime I keep them covered. They are on my forearm. In the UK, swimsuits or "swimdresses" and getting popular, they have a skirt than covers the thighs - wonder if this would help with swimming?

I have heard that some people explain their scars by saying they were in an accident, or just being more honest and saying that although you are fine now, life hasn't always been that easy.

In terms of any future partner, for me these scars are part of me, so they would need to accept me totally - if I was that close to someone that I was considering a commitment, then I would assume I could share anything with them.

I also became aware the other day of some large scars on my hand, that happened "legitimately" - i.e. not self induced. These are much larger than my other scars, yet I do not worry about hiding them or needing to explain them. This told me that maybe I am more worried about my scars than other people might be and it is the "what ifs" that increase my anxiety about them.

Soup

I have a few old SI scars on my forearms. They are white but still noticeable, so I never wear sleeves short sleeves when I go out, even in the summer. No one asks why. They all assume I am using my clothing as sun protection.

My scars are personal. Sharing intimate details about me comes with trust. If I have known a person for a long period of time, I will be honest. Most good friends can see beyond that and won't run away. (The scars can be considered a friend screening tool.) Strangers, NO! I just tell them, "I was in an accident." I don't supply any further information. Most respect that.

[Girl_Interrupted]

To be honest, it's no-one's business but yours, so if anyone asks how you got them, just tell them that it's not really any of their business

[Perna]

Originally Posted by littleyellowspider

Now things really concern me like, what about if I meet the guy I'm going to marry? he'll have to see my legs eventually and how do I explain that?

You will probably want to tell the guy you marry, if he does not react kindly and with concern/love then, don't marry him.

99.9% of people will not ask and a good 92.6% won't even notice. You notice so much because it is you but think about how many other people's thighs you are intimately acquainted with? LOL

I would think up a couple things to say; rude things (or just ignoring) to the nosy who do not know you well and a gentler put-down to those who do know you but to whom you do not wish to detail your life's history ("I'd rather not discuss my body with you (or, "with you at this time"), if you do not mind"). With people you want to tell, you wait until you are talking about personal difficulties in your past and just put it vaguely like, "I use to scar myself because of my emotional pain".

One of my stepsons is over seven feet tall and idiots are always coming up to him to ask him how tall he is, how's the weather up there, etc., like his looks/height is their business. He had to call out the manager of a bank once because a teller was going on about his height instead of doing her job when he was there on business! Mostly he literally just ignores them, does not "see" them. It's very rude behavior to call attention to someone's looks? You don't ask a burn victim, "Gee, what happened to your face?" But I am sure the scars are not that "ugly" if they can be covered with makeup and explained away with ye olde falling from the fence (walking into a door) excuse. Be proud of yourself and you body; it had to work very hard to help you when you were in extreme emotional/mental pain! Be thankful for your thighs, that they were there when you needed them! Your body is part of you, not an ugly step sister. If someone you know/love asks you about the scars, smile, and say something along the lines that your thighs were there when you needed them. Let them be confused; it's not their business!

[ktbelle373]

I have really really noticible SI scars on both sides of my left arm, seeing them hurts me so much. my scars are very hard to live with. But i wear whatever i want to wear, if poeple see them then so what. noone has ever really aked me about them and if they did i'd either say that its none of their buisness or i'd tell them that i had a hard time when i was a teenager and made some big mistakes but today im doing great. and as far as bieng afriad about a boyfriend seeing them, dont be. if the person really loves you he wont see them, he'll see you. if hes someone that you are meant to be with you should be able to tell him anything, and he'll still think your the most amazing person in the world. i have a job interview coming up and i am as i always am with things like this worryed that my scars will affect their descion in hiring me, but if it does then i'll apply somewhere else, i dont want to work for someone that would judge a book by its cover anyway.