[sugahorse1]

I just can't help it. I get down and I just want to numb out. Got through about 3 weeks of being in control, and last night I didn't have the energy to control myself.
Today I feel like a zombie

[Sannah]

Suga, I stopped answering your posts because you don't do what you need to do to get better so why should I work for you when you don't work for you. Are you still not in therapy?

It is different when people can't afford therapy or there are no options or minors can't get their parents to get them a T. But you are not in any of these categories.

[sugahorse1]

It's not as easy as that, but thanks

[bluemountains]

**Possible trigger, sui, mentioned**
I get it, sugahorse. I am there sometimes myself, and it is a very hard habit to break. Currently, I am working with my t in order to stop these behaviors. I have also "come out", so to speak, and told a two very good friends. Before this, no one knew and it has been going on for a long time.
The thing that is working for me is now having to be accountable to my t and friends. It is one thing to post online, but it is another to talk face-to-face with people who care.
Btw, the two friends I told have dealt directly with sui. One tried to commit sui. with meds, and the other lost her husband to sui. Since I have included them in my world, I feel especially sensitive to hurting them through my actions.
As my t says, be safe. Don't drink.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

I just can't help it. I get down and I just want to numb out. Got through about 3 weeks of being in control, and last night I didn't have the energy to control myself.
Today I feel like a zombie

(((sugahorse)))),

My husband is a binge alcoholic. He has been sober now for 22 years.
But, for several years of our marriage he went through periods where he "was in control" and then he would look for an "escape" and when he did that he could not stop drinking until he was blacked out and then passed out.

My husband is not a terrible person suga, but he struggled when it came to "keeping control all the time". And in his mind he always needed to know that he "could" drink and drug into oblivian. And he thought that was ok because he went for a time where he stayed in control of making money and being a husband etc, etc,.

On my end though, it was always upsetting and I never knew when he was just going to not come home or come home and act irrational and frighten me. And finally when my daughter was 6 I could not take it anymore and told him to either get help or he would lose his family because I was going to leave him.

Well suga, that was his first time going to an AA meeting and that is when he learned that he was an alcoholic. He had thought that because he could "keep control" for a period of time that he was in control of his drinking, he didn't realize that he was indeed an alcoholic.

Well, suga there is a stigmatizm to alcoholism as "bad people" or "people whos problem destroys them and their lives" and that "they don't care about anything else". But what it really is about is that these people struggle to manage their lives and they struggle psychologically to "keep up" and often they are afraid too. They often struggle and try for a while but because they never really learned how to manage a constant sense of control, they ended up becoming an addict. And in reality, this happens to a lot of human beings.

Suga, I am not saying you have this issue, but I am giving you something to consider when you wonder about giving in to the Booze and Benzo's to escape from the struggle you have to remain functional somehow.

What eventually works for many alcoholics is the AA program. And the reason that works is that they open up and admit they have a problem.
And they are around others that also open up and admit they have a problem and they answer that problem with "alcohol/drugs". And they learn to slowly "manage" their desire to drug and booze and escape with others. And they also learn that this management is something they do one day at a time and will do all their lives.

Thousands of human beings struggle with managing their everyday life suga. And they often feel like they are some kind of failure somehow too. The reality of life is that we never truely have "control" over it.
What we have to learn is to develope ways to understand that we do not have a certain amount of control but to take one day at a time and manage the day as best as we can. And we have to learn how to also take out days were we allow ourselves to rest, and enjoy something in that day. And we are among many other human beings that have to do that as well.

Going to an AA meeting, or going to a therapist or even coming to PC is a way to learn that it isn't about "what is wrong with me". Getting help is about finally just admitting that you struggle to manage your life and emotional balance and that you need to "learn how to better do that".

Depression, anxiety,social phobia,bipolar,agoraphobia,etc are all things that human beings experience on some level. It only becomes a disorder when these various issues become strong enough to interfere with how we manage our lives. When people begin to assume that they are under control of these issues, they are assuming that they are not capable of managing their lives and they "can" and often "do" withdraw and isolate and feel like they are a failure somehow. And some people begin to try to "escape" from whatever struggle they have somehow.

The answer is "not" about escape though. The answer is to "face" whatever it is and work "through" the issue and "learn" how to better manage it. To understand that it is not about the "disorder" controlling us, but that we need to just learn something yet about how we can overcome the disorder and manage it better. To understand that we have this remarkable grey mass we call our brain and that this mass can "learn" to do a lot more than we give it credit for.

The path to "feeling better" about ourselves is to realize we are not failures, we are far from alone in our struggle and we CAN learn to manage ourselves better. And when we finally get help, we begin the journey of learning about our personal ways we struggle and how we can slowly manage it better and function better. And we begin to understand that "life" is always going to be about "learning" and finding ways to "adapt" ourselves to whatever "life" presents to us.

And, it is ok if we are not perfect too. No one is perfect, no one can control life, everyone has their sense of personal weaknesses and fears, we are all just human beings after all. And it is ok to say, hey I don't know this or that and I need some help.

Open Eyes

[sugahorse1]

Thanks for sharing xxx